Invisible Monastery

Trap

The life

It all started when I met the one who later became my boyfriend. At first strike was his intelligence and vast culture, far above most of the people I know. This, probably, convinced me that he had finally met a person different from the others and able to understand me. He showed romantic and always available, with all the classic features that are assumed to conquer a person permanently.

Knowing that I was going to church regularly and that religion was an important aspect for me, he assured me to respect the most of my ideas and that he believed in God, although not practicing. In general, he seemed to conform to my needs and like my entire proposal. Fall in love was inevitable. I could not think that they can wish for anything other than what I was experiencing, and at the exact moment when I realized that I try very deep feelings, apparently paid, I stopped asking myself the question if that was or was not the right person to me, and never put in doubt his sincerity.

I have subdued
After some time the situation changed gradually, although initially imperceptible. We spent much time together, but more often it was to him to decide what to do or where to go, assuming that I accept, and not worrying about what he was thinking. More importantly, I began to notice little things of his character that he tried to hide. On two different occasions I had the serious suspicious that behind his actions, seemingly completely innocent, was concealed a selfish end, and who was willing to do anything to achieve it. I also realized several inconsistencies between what he had just told me when we met than those who said before. Whenever we talked of faith he changed the subject, without giving me a chance to discuss it, until he was forced to admit to being completely atheist and only believe in science. Along with this was joined by many other incidents of inconsistencies and changing words according to the situation and needs. Although later he claimed to respect my beliefs, he began to openly discredit any practice of faith, always with the result that I felt more uncomfortable in expressing this aspect of my life, and in fact excluding it from all my spiritual reflection. My relationship with God resented considerably. I continued to pray, but detached and hasty manner.

At that moment my love for him was very strong and pushed me to ignore, pretending not to see those aspects of his character. I was unlikely to justify his behavior, or simply tried not to think at all.

He spent in this way a long time during which I put to rest any doubt. If I noticed something wrong or could suggest a lack of sincerity, put to rest the problem thinking of all its virtues and the wonderful awareness of having someone always nearby. Without realizing it I found myself subjugated to him, with the constant concern to make him happy, and without asking myself if I were, or if he was just as worried about me.

Prayer made me free
During the solemnity of Easter it resurfaced in me the desire to get closer to God because I felt that from the spiritual point of view I was not living the faith serenely as before, and I promised myself to pray more. My first thought was the book of the Invisible Monastery of Charity and Fraternity, which I began to recite even several times a week. Initially it was not an easy task. I found more and more things to do and focus on me was still difficult to prayer.

But little by little, however, I found myself asking myself those questions which I had cleverly omitted because amazingly appeared in my mind the true selfish character of my boyfriend, and that I was slowly plagiarizing. However I did not have the strength even to consider the idea of leaving. I was used to seeing him always, to talk to him at any time and to share with him my activities. Leave would mean having to redesign from scratch the entire future, giving up a person I loved and that I thought part of my existence. I could not in any way find a solution, I was more and more nervous and restless. As long as I was with him I told myself that I was too well to leave him, but as soon as I got home I was again beset by these questions.

I decided not to put to rest my soul in turmoil and try to solve the problem with the only weapon in my possession: the prayer that made my mind free and allowed me to understand so undeniable that the person I loved not only did not reciprocate my love, but he tried in every way to subdued me. It was a hold of very painful consciousness. Having voluntarily given up what I loved and that I had made the center of my life seemed to me a scary and impractical outcome. Once again the aid was only by prayer and the guidance of Corrado, thanks to whom I found an inner strength certainly not human.

The Spirit enlightens me
Leave was nothing but the beginning of a long series of painful discussions. In the face of my sudden refusal, he, wounded pride, tried in every way to win me back, relying first and foremost on my guilt.
It took a huge effort of will not to give in to his promises. For she said, that would have changed for me, he would do anything and that even would be willing to accompany me to church on Sundays. I certainly believe his words; if it was not for the intervention of the Holy Spirit who suggested me to wait. My wait brought further confirmation. Seeing that I had not even going to listen to him, his behavior changed to become angry and to finally reveal his profound selfishness, betraying hopelessly when he admitted to not really be in love.

Any doubt of mine was then clarified and, despite many difficulties, I decided finally to close and not contact him again. The following days this decision was not easy. I was often beset by memories and guilt. I felt very lonely despite the proximity of family and friends, and the comforting words that were spoken often fell on deaf ears.

I feel free
I found consolation only in prayer, which became gradually more and more intense and thoughtful. With each passing day the pain became more diluted, I was catching a serenity I had not felt in a long time. In particular, I realized I feel a great sense of peace, as he had finally downloaded from the shoulders a crushing weight. I rediscovered the free and full of prospects, with optimism and enthusiasm for the future.

Through prayer, I was able to overcome even the moments of greatest despair. I felt the presence of Jesus as never before that time, and all the people I knew noticed the change in my mood. The reacquired serenity was manifesting clearly externally, and I first surprised me about how in a short time so well.

The thing that strikes me, every time I look back on this experience, is the enormous power that was given to me by prayer. Without this I would never realized the mistake I was going to commit plagiarism I was going to suffer, nor would I have had the ability to put an end to the story that I was living, so emotionally involved as I was, and blinded by feelings.

For all this I have to thank immensely Corrado and the Monastery of Charity and Fraternity Invisible, who opened the way to the love of God, so immensely great since overcome anything.
. Josefina