Prayer and faith
Managing my time is the subject of today’s telephone conversation with my teacher. I must never be subjected to a fixed plan in my mind. I must distrust of some deep-rooted thoughts which have been born by my familiar and social context: all people are "victims" of them!.
Saturday 29 th
The comparison with the others then must not make me to rely or to depend on the others without acting myself, without responsibilities from myself. Rather it must make me TO WINNOW what I am doing and to understand whether it is more useful to me to accept a suggestion or to refuse it as I think that my method is more suitable! So the others are not longer a referring point on which I will depend but, rather, "inputs” given by the Gentleman to make me to work in cooperation to feel joyful.
"The key is that freedom of mind - if I have well understood the revelations of my teacher - given to me by Truth coming from the Word of God!"
When my teacher gives me the "immense gift" of the revelations of the soul, of which I feel deeply unworthy, I feel free... I am pushed immediately to ENTER THE LIFE and I say: "Angela, it is worth to live and to share all this with the others and to say, to shout to everybody who does not know it that everything is bound to our mind which controls and sometimes enslaves our body, isn’t it?. I repeat, I am not worthy of all this: with respect to Power and Immense Truth coming from the words of my teacher I feel myself very little and I shame. However I do not want to go away because I feel burning. I cannot explain but I am sure that in those moments I am wrapped by Power and Truth of the Most High!!! I have the same feelings when I am reading the books "a look on the soul" as well as "I will open a road in the desert". In these days I have begun to read this second book of the same authors.
Friday 4 th
Today I have finally talked to my teacher after a week. Also in this long conversation I have received more "graces" I believed it could be possible. Lately it is always the same... and my soul feels always very even if it understands the importance of what it is hearing, it feels itself understood and it receives more than "it dares" asking or wishing!..
Later I share with my teacher my excitement: I am feeling to grow the desire of God and of complying with His will; in the meantime I am pushed to do my best to reflect it to the others and to be transparent, spontaneous, genuine... I finally feel JOY of having come back to Father’s and I think that this makes the positive sides of my character unavoidably to emerge. However I do not want to become proud of it!
Then I let my teacher know my impressions on the new book of the twin Guelpa I have begun to read: "I will open a road in the desert"... My teacher explains to me that. "When Enrico Guelpa has a vision of the Father, the purity and the candour of His clothes is indescribable. Nothing on the earth neither a lily nor the moon can compare with such a white! You feel yourself a worm in front of such splendour you would want to run away!. It is not white which is seen, but it is white which is felt, of the Soul. The visions are of the Soul: the body’s eyes are covered by the EYES OF THE SOUL!".
"In Volume II of the trilogy - On the teacher’s paths – god revailes himself; it is the awakening of the meaning of the liturgy in the Church!".
I personally like this volume more than volume III "A look on the soul". Its direct speaking involves me completely as the eyes of that soul staring the truth were mines or at least I would like they were. The reactions of the soul involved directly in the visions are the same as the ones perceived by the soul of the reader.
The desire of reading this book all in one breath is very strong, but involvement and emotions experienced by the soul are very intensive: it is necessary therefore "to master" the message; no more than 3 or 4 pages are enough for me and I have something to meditate deeply!
I also tell my teacher that going on in the prayer to the Gentleman, knowing new languages of praise or call to the Sacred Heart of Jesus I am sorry for some faults of my past this is not because I cannot forgive myself for pride, but because I feel sad as I have hurt his Sacred and Precious Heart... And He can as usual console me with immense sweetness
Our sensibility to this purpose would never be enough if we truly knew whose the Heart we are offending...is and sublime words are in the book "A look on the soul" at page 22: "From the finite I raise you into the immense for giving you everything; the only condition you must accept is love so that I can take you with me there, where there is delight and never ended time. Myself, celestial Abbà, I stoop lovely and whisper to you: - Son, where are you going! Do not you hear my call? I am exhorting you, open the heart and you will understand the essence of my love. Open love’s eyes, act and I will help you to win the difficult fight between soul and body. My son, stand up and walk. It does not matter how many times you have fallen, for me it is just worth the desire to go on and to improve -".
And further at page 38: "In any case, if God in His great Mercy has overflowed us with his Grace, we must not be proud, but remember that everything is for his Glory. With much love we can then say: - If I see my nonentity it is why I have realised your Immensity. If I decide to walk, if I walk and I do not run yet, if I run, but I do not flight towards my Gentleman, it is why I have not experienced yet what the immense Love is, which summits it can win, which ardour it can generate -". All this is coming out of my soul while I am writing! If you do not read this book you will missed an occasion for your soul which finds here its Voice finally!
Tuesday 8 th
Last Sunday after a long time I could enjoy the Holy Celebration as my soul wished and asked. I have felt the WELL-BEING mentioned by my teacher. I have perceived the positive exchange between soul and body. I now report a fact that happened to me exiting from the Church at the end of the celebration. A child ran outside happy and enthusiastic speeding up its parents: "Mother, father, hurry up! There are bells playing". I was grateful to that child because its spontaneity made not only me but also other people to stop and to look at the bells!
The child had looked upwards! How many times I have walked with bending head taken by worries and goodness knows whatever else I have missed! Just to the children the cover back of the book "A look on the Soul" is dedicated: "You see, children playing are like little birds singing their joy; and you, why are you becoming sad, the sun warms you, the breeze ruffles you hair and the flowers caress your face, don’t they? Nothing satisfies you because you have sadness in you and you continuously look for something that should makes you happy. The moment expired, you start from beginning again. Search, therefore, in your heart and you will see that there is no joy of loving and of being loved!". And I just end with the words of a song saying what I felt coming home last Sunday: "It is the joy that makes me to sing, celebrating the Gentleman. His Spirit sings inside me today".