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ENTROPIA

Concept idea and all lyrics by D.Gildenlow 96-97
! (FOREWORD)
music & lyrics: daniel gildenlöw
WALK WITH ME! There are worlds to see!
Listen to me now - You. Listen to me now - You.
Do my words mean more to hear when I am standing here?
On a stage like all your silly idols do!
Open up your eyes - all. Let your walls and grins fall.
Would you reach for something new, if the crowds were reaching too?
Are you close enough to taste their tears at all?

Your hate is but a worn-out lover, sick and sear.
"RAPE ME AGAIN!" you beg in pain, dear friend
"but hey - just don't stop!The stillness makes me scared"

Listen to my plain words.
That's all you'll get from me: Words.
The rest is up to you; would you dare to let me through?
Are you brave enough to leave me in control?

...you're all afraid...

I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid of you!
I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid anymore - I am a shipwrecked swept ashore.

Life won't wash away your sins.
Life can't wash away your guilt.
Life will only make your conscience...wilt!

(daniel gildenlöw)
(daniel magdic)

Somewhere a child just died; yet another victim for man's endless strife.
World could be better than this! There are so many ways to live (leave) a life...
Would you claim you live yours...right? Right?! NO!
TAKE A STAND! World is in your hand!

I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid of you!
I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid of you!
We're just the same me and you.
The same me and you. (Walk with me!)
...I see myself in you...

CHAPTER I: WELCOme tO enTROpIA! music: daniel gildenlöw winning a war
music: daniel gildenlöw/daniel magdic
lyrics: daniel gildenlöw
Once there was a world out on these fields, that was untouched.
Grateful for its love we thanked the earth that gave so much.
And oh, I loved it so!
Once there was a pair of eyes, unbroken just like my heart.
Belonging to a father and his son, now torn apart.
And oh, I loved him so!

"Why, mommy? Tell me why daddy is walking away - leaving me!"

I remember birds of pray, dark shadows piercing the ground!
Faceless men came shouting about a pride to which we were bound.
And oh, I searched for him so!
"Faith darling, have faith my son! Your daddy is winning a war..."
"...for you!"

Daddy need me, love and lead me.
Your superseding war won't feed me!

Watch fathers and sons pale cling to their guns.
Marching line by line leaving reason behind.
Their eyes now tensed with fear; enemies are near.
But all armies are only fathers and sons...

Earth bleeding through their proceeding.
All greedy voltures are needing.
WAR! WAR! Dad - who is winning a war?
And dad - who is it for?
I won't shed a tear - I won't show no fear!
Won't disappoint you dad (all greedy voltures need war)
I WON'T MISS YOU DAD!
...I'll shut down...

...but daddy, I miss you so.
And I need you here - dad I'm alone here and
DADDY, I'M LOSING YOUR WAR OUT HERE!

Daddy need me, love and lead me.
Your superseding war won't feed me.

people passing by
lyrics by: daniel gildenlow
music by: daniel gildenlow/daniel magdic
(Part first: awakening)
Daybreak:
A September sun emerges through clouds, chasing across the sky.
Thoughts are evoked behind detached eyes but people are just passing by: With smiles for protection.
Unable to see
behind the creature that he seems to be.
Once he was a child with burning desires
with hopes and dreams of what was to come.
So he's lost some faith but still there are fires
deep inside that he must drench to numb.

If we could try to share some of his wounds just for a while.
But we're all just people passing by!

(daniel magdic)

Midday:
He's searching through crowds for one that is gone.
Rejecting the facts one more day.
Talking too loud to silence the glow. Coldness becoming his way.
Empathy can't reach through all that blame!
Smiles now forgotten, locked in their frames!
Now he's counting time in beggings and bottles
fading away beneath old news.
So he lost a war: "will I be dead very long?"
He can still hear his voice through the coldness!

If we could try to ease some of his pain just for a while.
But we're all just people passing by!
Part second: memorials (instrumental)
Part last: nightfall
Once he was strong, and filled with visions.
With life ahead he set his aims.
Then things went wrong.
Now his ambitions have turned to smiles conserved in frames.
Still could be strong could be a prophet!
He would teach truth to every man!
He'd see the light through every shadow, but Entropia denies he can!

He's sitting numb while dusk is falling. Alone he whispers his "goodnight"
Turning away, when sleep is calling, from all the people passing by...


oblivion ocean
music and lyrics: daniel gildenlöw

Sleep is too quiet
dreams are too painful
truth is the bed of this ocean of lies.
Sinking through layers of untouched oblivion
soaking from spirits but still far too dry.
Losing all barbed fences Lucid - no defenses
"Where is my mother?" the child asked the soldier.
The soldier was watching them both fade away.
Nine words create an oblivion ocean:
"Dad tell me, will I be dead very long?"
Losing all I lived for. Losing all I fought for.

Oh god if you save them I swear I'll always hold them in my hand!
Oh god if you save them I'd take them west
we'd start again in the promised land.

When life is wearing thin we pray: the gods are close at hand when man is astray. But when it all is said and done - is he to thank the gods for just taking his son?

Sleep is too quiet, dreams are too painful
truth is the bed of this ocean of lies.
Words can create an oblivion ocean:
"dad tell me, will I be dead very long?"
Losing all I lived for. Losing all I fought for.

Oh god if you save them I swear I'll always hold them in my hand.
Oh god if you save them I'd take them west
we'd start again (then) in the promised land.

CHAPTER II: stress
music: daniel gildenlow/daniel magdic
lyrics: daniel gildenlow
(watching corners and crossing watching all the red lights watching the stress watching beggars and bankers and rushing cars I'm drowning in this mess)Help me! Rescue me! Save me! Set me free! (watching all the stress)
It is strange - among all people I feel alone. Very strange - despite the sun I'm cold to the bone!
If this is progress let me out!

Up on the rooftops I feel alive - lovely detached from the human hive.
Up on the rooftops I feel so free.
Far from the city that's suffocating me. (watching corners and crossings watching all the red lights watching the stress watching beggars and bankers and rushing cars I'm drowning in this mess) IS THIS WHAT WE WANT?
I believe: beneath the surface we turn to stone.
Can't you see? You meet your neighbors over the phone!
I'm awake - watch me! I'll escape - watch me!
If this is progress help me to regress!

Alone by the ocean I feel alive - lovely detached from the human hive. Alone by the ocean I feel so free.
Far from the city that's suffocating me.

YOU live too shallow act too deep! Fail to sow but proudly reap!
...and you still need MORE!
Indians show us where you're from
STRESS indicates what we'll all become!

In time you'll awake!
In time you'll escape!
In time you'll awake!
You'll see what's at stake!
IS THIS WHAT WE WANT? ...is this what we NEED?


revival
music: daniel gildenlow/daniel magdic
lyrics: daniel gildenlow

An eye for an eye.
A tear for a tear.
A lie for a lie.
The weak dress in hatred to hide their fear.

We cling to symbols for our mind - hour by hour we're losing us. Defenceless for the weak to bind - second by second abusing us!
A wound for a wound.
By silence we breed.
Learn the hate that keeps us blind, from the hands that hit and feed! Children teach each other pain - hour by hour they're learning it.
Dreamers in the wheel of reign - second by second we're turning it around:

Closing the books of the prophets.
Closing our eyes for the visions that die
and then we weep...
"Why do I still need to cry, when I'm so happy now?"
Saviors come forth in times of need.
Prophets seek me - for you will bleed!

Cry little lonely world cry!
I won't close my eyes.
I'll be your tears when you're dry, pouring to the ground

(daniel gildenlow)

Scar by scar
we're all becoming seeking prophets now.

I won't bear the cross one step further!
I won't bear your hate any longer!
Free I will rise!
(Come to me now - feel the revival. Follow me now - join the revival)

(daniel magdic)

See me
believe in me
hear me - I'll speak to you.
You are the prophets come forth and I'll bleed for you!

I´ll bleed for you...


void of her
music: daniel gildenlow

to the end
music: daniel gildenlow/daniel magdic
lyrics: daniel gildenlow

(Sorrow turned into hate. Anger became a thread, to climb with faith. Tasting the life she shed)"Time will heal" they told him - just if they knew his pain.
"Time kills!" he whispered.
Not a word: they watched him leave again.
Grief need not her grave - nothing left to save.
She went up with the sunrise that day, planned her future as every day. Spent her last minutes in tomorrows she would never experience.

Live your life each day, meet the tides my friend.
We're all nomads forever on our way: a journey to the end! (She walked there every day without even knowing it was the place to which she was going)If you knew the number of the steps you would ever take, bitter I wonder: would you run or cease to walk?
For her sake he lived - nothing more to give.
Looking back now, he could have saved her
but there's no one left to save him.
'Cause we're all walking in tomorrows we may never experience.

Live your life each day, meet the tides my friend.
We're all nomads forever on our way: a journey to the end!

(daniel magdic)
(daniel gildenlow)

So now he has knowledge but what has he won?
All pages are empty - he's already gone.
He lost what he lived for and losses won't mend:
alive just to enter a journey beyond the end.


never learn to fly
music & lyrics: daniel gildenlow

When I was a little child, I once found a bird lying on the ground.
It would not ever fly again.
I held the bird up in my hands, I shed my tears over the lovely song that not longer could be heard.

Never learn to fly.

With dirty hands I dug a hole and gently laid the bird to rest in soil:
a wound in the tear stained mud.
My tears wore rain as I revealed the secrets of a tree.
A cross of bark to speak through wooden grains:

"never learn to fly"

I sang a song which I remembered my grandma used to sing
for me, when I was sick and laid in bed.
Then I cursed that day for showing me my own mortality
for then I knew that all that lives turns cold. Cold and dead.
And now time has passed by beneath my wings.

(kristoffer gildenlow)

That was then I'm older now, but still I can't forget that rainy day.
I raged against the ending times, though some day soon my son will maybe find the tree I cleansed of skin.
No chain-sling will ever climb its rotten limbs.
And when the time has come for me to die, I want to lie beside that bird.

Never learn to fly.

When I was a little child, I once found myself dying on the ground
and now I'll never ...fly...

CHAPTER III: circles
music & lyrics: daniel gildenlow
(...now he's counting time in beggings and bottles fading away beneath old news so he's lost some faith, but still there are fire deep inside that he must drench to numb ...deep inside, that he must drench to numb...)

nightmist
music & lyrics: daniel gildenlow

Cold winter winds blow away autumn leaves now.
Misty world fades away before my blinded eyes - WHY?
Now when I stand at the end of the line, I cling to life when I should decline. I always thought I would welcome this day, but now when it's here - could there be a heaven behind that gate?
Love or hate?

WAIT! ...by my side. Count the seconds till I die.
Hold my hand.
Smile and tell me that you care, 'cause I'm scared now.
Now when I stand at the end of the line, I cling to life when I should decline. I always thought I would welcome this day, but now I can see:
...it is yet a bird of pray!

God, hear my voice!
I turn to thee - you've got to tell me: what will become of me?

(daniel magdic)
(daniel gildenlow)

WHY SHALL I DIE?
OH GOD! Hear my voice! Tell me there are no questions.
Please give me a few more hours of this flair life...
IT'S MINE!
As I am leaving, alone and afraid, I'm thinking of all the mistakes I've made. I wish of my heart I could change only one!
I'd want to say "sorry" just one more time before I am GONE! (gone)


plains of dawn
music & lyrics by: daniel gildenlow

"I'm here now, by your side" Sheltered from the cold, a soldier guards a boy.
Clocks are cutting as times pass by their pain
(bringing release through the book on his knees)
(keep trying, keep trying, keep dying inside)

"Hush now little child, it's time to say goodnight.
Find rest in my lullaby this night
I'll still be here when the nightmists draw near"
(blind figures controlling his life)
(keep falling, keep falling, keep falling down now)

"Have faith my son - reach for my hand and I'll walk with you till the sun goes down. Follow me now, we will meet again in your land.
(have faith my son) Now I'll lead you home."

Opening stillness, reaching through illness. They walk in nightmist.
"Now, we meet again. I'm so close to you now. Again we laugh."

Where shallow waters reach for unknown mystic shores
they gaze at the horizon and smile

(daniel gildenlow)

"Behold my son - reach for the vision that fills your mind, just let go and run. Follow the path that was meant for you long ago. (behold my son) And cross the plains of dawn."

Wordless questions, tearful confessions.
They meet at last now, when it is time to go separate ways
(fading pages) They have touched through ages.

"Remember me my son, it's time to say...goodbye.
I'll free you from your prison - now go!
You're free now, the wave meets the shore!"
(keep running, keep running, keep running home kid)
(winning a war made him lose evermore)

"Farewell my son - the tubes that were straining you to a death within life are gone. Wait for us, I and your mother will cherish you my son. I cry as I'm watching you run across plains of dawn."

...and so through that evening a soldier is leaving his son once again
and a war has been lost...
Forlorn he is reeling, unmendably kneeling.
But fate leaves no choice: now he must close the book!

(EPILOGUE)
leaving entropia
music & lyrics: daniel gildenlow
walk with me
and see the world I see
it is our home
it's where we all belong

life is flair
a brittle dress we wear
a fleeting sigh
but though pointless it may seem:
live as death were but a dream

you don't have to walk their way
you don't have to watch the show
you don't have to play their game
and you don't have to die to leave entropia

all remains:
forgotten smiles in frames
two fleeting lives cut down to pocket-size

walk with me
and change the world we see
we'll cease to be
just people passing by
home is where we all get by

you don't have to cry for more
you don't have to have it all
you don't have to win a war
if death is but a dream
then don't let me...

...fall asleep

 

ONE HOUR BY THE CONCRETE LAKE

Concept idea and all lyrics by D.Gildenlow 97-98

Spirit of the Land
Music: D.Gildenlow


Sit for a while, why rush?
The beauty is all around.
The red sky of the morning,
the different colours of the landscape,
the freshness of the breeze.
So sit for a while and rest
with the spirit of the land.
John Renshaw



I: Part of the Machine

Inside
Music: D.Gildenlow/D.Magdic/K.Gildenlow/F.Hermansson


’What is a war criminal? Was not war itself a crime against God and humanity, and, therefore, were not all those who sanctioned, engineered, and conducted wars, war criminals? War criminals are not confined to the Axis Powers alone.’
I was told the pain and hunger was not my fault
How could they be so wrong?
And man, of all five billion people you’re only one
Believed them for far too long!
Clean hands
My land is my home

I’m inside the big machine and it’s eating me!
And I am just a wheel in motion, too blind to see
The way we are heading now

I’m hollow
I swallow, but…

Inside I’m strong
Inside I’m free
Inside I’m young
Inside I’m still me

[Since 1990 there have been 93 wars in 70 states all around the world, with 5.5 million people dead. 75% of these people were civilians, 1 million of them were children...]

(Guns don’t kill - I don’t kill. Do I?)

Drink with me, laugh with me, friends for tonight
Stay with me, sleep with me, happy tonight
I only feel lonely outside this bar
Look at me when I speak! Who do you think you are?

Just look at me now! Inside I’m lost…

Now I’m vain, numb this pain - why is it burning?
Clean as rain, not a stain - so why am I yearning?

I can’t sleep - I twist and turn
In too deep - I sweat, I burn
I’m afraid that I’ll awake, dressed up in a big mistake
Then I’d break!

What if I just closed my eyes?
(I’m not clean…)
What if I shut out the lies?
(…blood unseen…)
And what if I could hear my heart…
(…all over my hands!)
…accusing me for taking part
of the Machine



The Big Machine
Music: D.Gildenlow/D.Magdic


’...and he actually held up the weapon before our eyes, and there, dressed in a suit and tie, he smiled and told us with pride in his voice that "this model was largely represented in the Gulf war!".
He was so very proper and clean. And so alarmingly blind!’
Welcome inside the machine
It hurts!
Go numb, go blind…
One’s drilling out a pipe
One adjusts the aim
One makes trigger parts
Weapons as a game!

All trapped in killing routine
Washed clean…
…by this machine

On these grey walls
Lovely pictures of the weapons we produce
But not their actions…

All are part of the big Machine
We do our job
"Guilty!"

But what if we save?
And what if we solve?
And what if we build?
And what…

...what if we lose control?
What if we lose control?
What if we lose control?
What if we lose control?

(I am just a wheel!)

...and what if we ...stop?

New Year’s Eve
Music: D.Gildenlow
‘Only the tame birds have a longing. The wild ones fly.’
So once again
Another New Year’s Eve will ease our pain
Faith for the few
And rites that will make us so brave
So new
We laugh and we cheer for a Happy New Year
Happy?

Candles burn down
And in the darkness future comes around
We smile - all aware
But never speaking of the masks we wear
Blind!

Turning mirrors upside down
Won’t make dust fall off the ground
Hiding wounds won’t ease the pain
Sleep won’t make you whole again

Change the inside!
...drink the rain...

Dressing our words
Seeing the dirt and flaws inside us hurts
One final glass
A sour taste from our promises
I bid farewell and crawl out of my shell

I’m awake!
I see the mistakes I make
Hiding wounds won’t ease the pain
Sleep won’t make you whole again
Change the inside...

Today I found a seed of sorrow
The harvest leaves a soil of shame
Now I undress and face tomorrow
And brave I walk to meet the blame

I’ll search my home outside these borders
I’ll run to meet up with the past
A Resolution for the New Life
This time I know it’s gonna last

And I will…
Change the inside
Drink the rain
Open my wounds to heal the pain

Learn the work of The Machine…




II: Spirit of Man

Handful of Nothing
Music: D.Gildenlow

’In time of war the first casualty is truth.’ ’What broke in a man when he could bring himself to kill another?’
We’ve seen it before but safe on our suburb screens
Now I am here in the flesh
A witness of war in this godforsaken scene
Far from those grey walls
See children with guns hatred and fear in their eyes
They shoot to release their pain
A conflict to solve no matter if someone dies
Protecting our interests…
Look around, soon there’ll be but ruins to be found
Winner will be the last that stands
Lethal moves in a game of chess for the depraved
King or Pawn? Are you worth to save?
(What is the prize for this game we play?)
(And who are the ones that finally pay?)

If we eat more we’ll get a handful of nothing
We’ll be swallowing dirt
If we push more we’ll get a fistful of enough
We’ll be swallowing blood

They told me that we could actually save human lives
That armies would preserve the peace
And my work would save, solve and build bonds
Only lies!
And I fed their wallets...

It’s strange how we speak of civilised views
While we buy that media warface they sell
A makeup for "Them" so we can decide who’s to die
Cause we love it easy…

Here they are – take a good look at the beasts of war!
Let the rain wash that paint away…
Deep inside everyone’s a mothers little child
Longing home, lost and led astray
And we prey on this decay!

If we eat more we’ll get a handful of nothing
We’ll be left with the dirt
If we push more we’ll get a fistful of enough
I leave this machine...

I left my life to ease my pain
But I cannot find that cleansing rain...
Look around soon there’ll be but ruins to be found
We can change - it’s all in our minds...
D. Gildenlow

Step by step hate controls every heart every soul
Every gun pointed at those we paint as Enemies
We provide what they need to let the game proceed
Stuck in machines somewhere we build the cross they bear
Arm to solve, kill to save… God I’ve felt how it smells!
"My land’s my home" – we’re blind!
I’m sick of the blood I find!
Step by step greed controls every heart every soul
Arm to kill, kill to live - God how could I believe...


Water
Music: D.Gildenlow/D.Magdic


Ground water moves very slowly. While water at surface can be measured in meters per second, the ground water will more likely be measured in meters per year! Contamination of the ground water causes severe damage for a very long time.
Despite this, military and nuclear industry constantly pollutes large areas of ground water – in times of peace.
I’ve always loved the sound of rain
Touching so softly my windowpane
And then the scent of dew at dawn
Coming to greet me from my moist lawn
...home...
D. Gildenlow
I always took it for granted
I never valued the drops I shed
I failed to see the relation
Between my self and world starvation
D. Gildenlow

Water’s for the chosen
But how come we expect us to be those few...
...me and you?

[In this hot, desolate timeglass I met this man, wearing a worn old flyer’s cap.
Every day he had to dig 10 feet down for his daily ration of water – one poor gallon. And so he did - singing while doing it!]

10 feet of sand for the thirst
But he gave me half of what he was given for a day
All for thirst and sanity use
While we use up hundred times more…
What do we do with it?
Pipes and bathtubs, sprinklers and fountains!
Freshwater used as a dump for oil and nuclear waste!
“Desert people turns humble” he said
They know what they have
But do they know what they lose when we flush?

[But yet, sadly, he looked up to me. Felt a need for our greed…our "freedom".
Said all he really wanted was a car and a radio. He too failed to see the relation
...between our lives...and his starvation]

Water’s for the chosen
Water’s for the few
Life is for the chosen
But only if we believe it to be true...but we do!
(But I’m through!)

I’ve always loved the sound of rain...



Home
Music: D.Gildenlow


‘The white man, he comes and goes. He can go. …But that’s our homeland for thousands of years. That’s our home, and we will never leave. No matter how contaminated it gets. We live there! We have always lived there and we will always live there.’
This is our home - our roots go deep
Where our ancestors sleep
This is the land we’ve nursed for countless aeons
But never ours to keep
My tribe is crying – our land is dying
But we can’t leave – this is our home
We can’t let our past go...

We’re left with your legacy
Wide awake, deep at our roots
While you move on exploiting
We’ll sing lullabies for half a million years

When my son asks why, what will I reply?
But we can’t leave – this is our home
We can’t let our past go...

Hallgren
Hermansson
D. Gildenlow

But we can’t leave – this is our home!
If you like concrete alone
Then don’t make your high lives depend
On that past that you let go...




III: Karachay

Black Hills
Music: D.Gildenlow

‘They tell all the people of Europe, it’s a good, clean industry, it’s a great way to save the world. But I’m here to tell you that now they’re knocking on our door because they can’t find any place to store the damned stuff for eternity, They come to our homeland and they want to lease some land for 10,000 years!’
This was our home – we had our truth
Bled for our creed – why must we still bleed?
Your tailings are bound forever in this ground...
So you come for our holy ground
When your nature’s gone and your house has burnt down
No!

For hundreds of years you’ve hurt this land
Eating what’s there, leaving a wasteland
But there are no space to hold all your mistakes

Still you come for our holy ground
When your nature’s gone and your houses are all burnt down
(instrumental)

Hallgren

’To this day, they will not return our sacred land, even though their highest hypocritical court said that we could and indeed did, own the Black Hills.
I still continue to struggle for the eventuality of regaining that sacred land.’


Pilgrim
Music: D.Gildenlow


’In fire, we can see our past and our coming. For, as with us and our time, these flames are solely born through the complete and utterly consumption of its surroundings. By which, the fire itself is also condemned to be destroyed.
Demanding, beautiful and very lethal, it lives itself to death…’
The higher I am reaching - the closer to the sun
The more I learn the less I know for sure
For each machine I’m leaving I find a bigger one
For each step I turn wiser than before
But it’s burning me...
Pilgrim, where are you going?
Pilgrim, your roads turning bleak
Pilgrim, true to your knowing
But what will you pay for the Grail that you seek?

Though these roads seem endless
And life seems out of reach
The roads I left were better off unwalked
If I had just been stronger
If I had dared to see
Maybe I would not have had to go this far
But still I won’t give in...

Pilgrim, where are you going?
Pilgrim, your roads turning bleak
Pilgrim, This quest is your calling
...the curtains are falling...
Pilgrim, where are you going?
And who sets the price on the answers you seek?



Shore Serenity
Music: D.Gildenlow


Karachay… This lake in Kyshtym has swallowed nuclear waste for almost fifty years now. Radiation was earlier so high that one hour at the shore of this lake would cause death in just a few weeks. Karachay, the entire lake, is now covered with concrete…
Don’t disturb me now
I can see the why, the when and how
Looking back to see all bridges burn
I have reached the point of no return
this is zero
(Shore Serenity)
This is all that is left of me…
A broken man at a broken sea

To be or not to be a wheel in the big machinery
That is not the matter of the game
Just as long as you can sense the frame of the big picture
(Wheels make The Machine)

This is all that is left of me
a broken man at a concrete sea
But now I know that one cell can kill
and a big Machine stands and falls with…a wheel…



Inside Out
Music: D.Gildenlow/D.Magdic/F.Hermansson


’30 years ago, society believed that no price was to high, we thought that industry could come at any cost. We cannot afford to pay that price any more.’
So finally my journey ends
And through this wound my soul can mend
Guilt is my blood
I’m being drained
This is my home, I will stay...
…inside!
There’s always someone inside
Fighting to get outside
The "knowing-right-from-wrong side"
Our home is inside!

I’ve travelled the world around
In search for some Grail of mine
How could I be so blind?
It was always here…inside
I have only some weeks to give
But at last…I live
D. Gildenlow

Life’s just a line of situations
A matter of occasions
And mystic correlations
The work of a Machine!
D.Gildenlow/Hallgren
Hallgren

Here in a world split to nations
We fail to see the relations
Between the Wheel and the Machine
And of the scars we’re leaving…

…inside!
I swear there’s someone inside
Fighting to get outside
Just give it all an hour
By the Concrete Lake!
D.Gildenlow/Hallgren

’I dread the day my children will ask me why. I dread the day when I will have to explain to them that people thought it was acceptable to destroy the environment so that we could have jobs. I dread the day I will have to explain to my bright-eyed Joshua, who talks to dogs and listens to the grass screaming, that we were all to busy driving fast cars, rushing our children off to day-care, and finding seniors’ homes to our grandparents and listening to the ringing of cash registers.

We were all too busy to hear the grass screaming.’

 

THE PERFECT ELEMENT

part I

Chapter I: "As these two desolate worlds collide"

Used

In the Flesh

Ashes

Morning on Earth

Chapter II: "It all catches up on you when you slow down"

Idioglossia

Her Voices

Dedication

King of Loss

Chapter III: "Far beyond the point of no return"

Reconciliation

Song for the Innocent

Falling

The Perfect Element



1. Used

"I am the unclean
The black drop at the bottom of your cup
You'd better drink or throw me up
'Cause I am on your lip and tongue
God
I'm not yours as much as you are mine
So let me in to be your lung
Just breathe me deep and take another sip
So still
A taste so sweet but so bitter the kill
Still on your lip
You are so close
I'll let you come
Between my legs you are closer death than sun
And I'm not your daughter as much as you're my son
I'll let you come
In my mouth on your lip
So ready and thirsty for the next sip
You let me in, I let you come
I'd never let you down
You let me win, I let you drown!"
Getting used to pain

I am crying unwept tears through this violence
I'll die trying to break this thick crust of silence

"I am the greatest star
So bright that you all come forth and beg to taste my light
I can take you far but I'll burn you out before we get there
But hey! Who am I to stand in your way?
Go ahead; swallow me down!
I'll have no problems finding myself out
When you've gone down
When your all cracked and wound."
Getting used to pain

I am crying unwept tears through this violence
I'll die trying to break this thick crust of silence

Trading pain is a bad deal
I've got more than my share
Too much to bear!
Every beat of the hammer
Every blood stricken street:
A way to trade off heat.

They will bleed till I'm empty
If I deserve to die I'll make it show
I will stain your affection, I will wear out your heart
You'll follow where I go

Blood stains
Cut veins
Filthy
Murder
Leave me...

[Top]



2. In the Flesh

She walks these empty streets alone
Looking for something they call "home"
Hoping to find some peace of mind
Sometimes we need to walk alone

She is set on running away
Though her mom was yelling she must stay
A wind beaten bird for reasons unheard
Sometimes it is best to run away

So fly away, fly away, fly away
Don't be afraid, don't hesitate, fly away

Some wear their bruises on their skin
Others hide their scars deep within
She has a wound close to her womb
Blames herself for letting it in

So fly away, fly away, fly away
Don't be afraid, don't hesitate, fly away
But She's afraid, she's afraid, she's afraid
Anyway
See those eyes, see those eyes, see those eyes
Hate and lies, a fire that slowly dies
But She will fly, she will fly, she will fly
Before it dies

Sometimes the hands that feed
Must feed a mind with a sick need
And the hands that clutch can be
The same hands that touch too much
Eyes that hungrily stare
Read in an access that's not there
While eyes close to hide tears
Or look away in fear
Run away!

Passing the open stores
Hiding her dirty sores
Seeking asylum among freaks and whores
What wouldn't she give to be in a society
Not learning the eyes to be closed but to see

Now she bites the words
"Never"
She kicks the ground
"Never"
Swallows her tears
"Never will I go back"
She hits the walls
"Leave me!"
Scratches herself
"Leave me!"
Begs to all Gods
"Rip me from this sick flesh!"

"I will always be there"
"No!"
She holds her ears
"You know that I love you"
Pretends that she doesn't hear
"We're in this together"
"We share the same skin"
Panic in his voice now
"Free us from sin"

"Tell me that you love me"
This is the end
"I know that you do"
Of her way
Never ever again
Follow me down

"God forgive this hunger"
"Please mommy see"
"Never tell a soul"
"Is it me?"
A child will love its parents
Will follow them down

She swears to the pavement's heart of stone
That these city lights will be her home
But still as they burn she will return
Back to the adults. . . of her home.

[Top]



3. Ashes

You claim I don't know you, but I know you well
I read in those ash eyes we've been through hell
I've walked with the weakest just to feel strong
You've given your body just to belong

Let's burn together
Let's burn together

This pain will never end
These scars will never mend

I taste your sorrow and you taste my pain
Drawn to each other for every stain
Licking the layers of soot from your skin
Your tears work my crust to let yourself in

Touching you harder
Touching you harder now

As we walk through the ashes
I whisper your name
A taste of pain to cling to
As we walk through the ashes
You whisper my name
Who's the one with the sickest mind...
now?

This pain will never end
Our scars will never mend
Cleansing sweat
We are just using each other
Too depraved to stay alive
But too young to die
And we hurt
Thus we hurt

Scrubbing it harder
Too late to back out now
Scrubbing it even harder
As these two broken barren desolate disordered words collide

As we walk through the ashes
I whisper your name
A taste of pain to cling to
As we walk through the ashes
You whisper my name
Who's the one with the sickest mind...
now?

This pain will never end
These scars will never mend
Damn this dirty bed
Damn this dirty head

[Top]



4. Morning on Earth

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to
Silence every beating heart; every sound of breathing
Now there is something inside of me that aches as I hear you
Breathing here when you sleep between these morning sheets

I am the tears in your mouth
I am the weight on your shoulder
I am the scream that wants out
And my heart just couldn't grow colder
Now this rusty heart is my gift
This fallen love is my gift

Morning arrives on an Earth I've never seen before
Revealing a life that I never really understood
Strange, the way beauty can hurt the unopened eye
Much more than all of the filth and pain
That we're soaked in ever could

I am the tears in your mouth
I am the weight on your shoulder
I am the scream that wants out
And my heart just couldn't grow colder

Hear this voice, see this man standing before you
I'm just a child trapped inside the body of a man

"A relation, so oddly old - bred not to love
Suffers the beaten grounds of Idioglossia
We talk but we do not speak
Together only in our incapability to leave this fallen playground
We rule this Empire merely with these few crippled toys
Rust in our faces
This is what we can share - this is all we can lose
Still
Furiously we will linger to it with our lives
Cling to its rust and pains
Barefoot and torn
Bred not but born to love"

Hear this voice, see this man standing before you
I'm just a child trapped inside this fallen man
See this child

[Top]



5. Idioglossia

It all comes back to me

Face to the floor
Heart in my mouth
My forehead hits the pavement
Again - numb - again
Sharing this humility
A circle of humanity
Momentarily black in me
Immomentarily black
So black

Memory leave me be
Close that eye leave love blind

When outcome is preceded
By an outlet that is needed
We forget all but the circle
As soon as the ends have met
As soon as the ends have met

I scratch the surface and see
Someone better than me
Where did I suffer that loss?
What was taken from me?

As I search through the ashes
For someone to blame
I'm afraid to see my face
As I walk through the ashes
I whisper your name
Meeting you have forced me
To meet myself

This blood proves me right
In that the last move is all that
Counts if the beasts must bite
Vow to the floor
Oath to the taste of dust
In my mouth - never!
I bite the words - never again!
Will I let anyone else finish
I'll be the end of every way

Memory let it die left behind
Leave me blind

Despite all these words
Not one could express
What I had inside
Living was to hide

Kneeling in whirlpools
Of pink champagne
Celebrating the bravery of my pain
Something broke
And no water could ever wash
The anger from that first stain

I scratched the surface to find
Someone wicked and blind
Where did it come to that end?
Why can't these scars ever mend?

Memories...

I have swallowed all these tears
Thought they'd be gone
After all these years
Now this heart is waking up
With a new hunger
For my own blood

As I search through the ashes
For someone to blame
I'm afraid to see my face
As I walk through the ashes
I whisper your name
Meeting you have forced me
To meet myself

Face to the ground
Heart in their mouth Foreheads hit the pavement
Again - numb - again
Sharing my hostility
A streetful of insanity
This is payback for every
Tear in me, hole in me
Black in me - black!

Memory history agony
Let me see that hideous
Idioglossia that formed me

Despite all these words
Not one could express
What I had inside
Living was to hide

For every time you froze me out
For every punch every shout
For not believing in me
For your stupidity
For stealing what could have been
Me

It all comes back to you

Is this all I am?

[Top]



6. Her Voices

Looking at you I see her face
Through all these years, just waiting
It all catches up to you when you slow down

I'm back in that yard, tasting that shame
Of pushing her down, Of kids and her games
...their strongholds

We had a bigger world - we had a better view
I guess I never fully realized then
What she lost when I cut that loss

So she filled the void with unearthly friends
Voices of hers - greater... than us

We had a bigger world - we had a better view
I wish she'd never told us about her voices
We were strong, we were much too strong

Never forgive - never forget

We picked and pierced, we ripped and we tore
We hit and we scratched to make in her a hole
Glares and eyes - whispers and notes
Attached to her every pose

We fed her shouts
For the collection of her voices
I was too weak to collect
But so, it turned out, was she
Both paid in soul for the cutting of that loss

Their ugly truth
Outnumbered by far her beautiful dream
And I closed my eyes
Were her eyes in yours already when we met?
Am I still paying debts to recover Life?

Now I can see she proved to be right
As she was called down
It's sad though...
...that I turned out to be one of her voices.

[Top]



7. Dedication

I watched you die
Though you had always been there
Since I first came into this world
Outside people smile
I ask - why this deep blue sky?
When you have left this world today
Does it not know when to weep?

All my life I've looked up to you
A humble old man who always knew
No one can ever be closer to God than you
So who could fill this void

I still can't believe that you are not around
That your warm voice won't make another sound
Sure I understand, but I never will accept
That you should be gone

I watched you die
And I have feared this moment
Since I was just a child
So why that sunny sky?
When my beloved grandfather
Lies dead here cold and still?

[Top]



8. King of Loss

Mother, at my first breath
Every paragraph was set
As I inhaled the scent of debt
Mother, that first stolen air
On papers saying I'm not mine

"We crown you, the King of Loss...
Better get on your feet
Best be one of us
Better get yourself on the list
For success
Dress up as a State investment
Charm the press
A breed from the seed of only
One short breath"

Mother, hence we cry:
Some of us are free to stand
Most of us are bound to lie
In those bloodstained beds
No one can afford to pay
The prices on their babies' heads

I am the King of Loss!
For every dear smile I feel I'm not one of us
"An ivory coin for every plus on your stone"

"One more governmental blade
Now drawn from its sheath
Quite a bargain I'd say since either way
You will live by the show of our teeth!"

Mother, I wish that we could talk
You see
I'm not fit to play this game
Bound by its rules just the same
My talents turned to talons
Every monetary pile
Will buy me a precious smile...
smile...

So smile for the King of Loss
Feed from the juices
Bleeding from this cross
Then tell me our lives mean more
Than this vain thirst!

"A governmental blade
Drawn from its private sheath
Quite a bargain I'd say, since either way
You'll be living by the show of our..."

I hold up my head
This was my life
Now I'm with the dead
So I lay my bare neck
This is your call
Dub a king or a wreck

(Mother, listen to me mother)

This was my life
This is your call

Is this all I am? Is this all I'll be?
This is not enough!

We're all crying for respect and attention
We're all dying for a painless redemption!
This is not what I wanted
But for every drop of blood I lost myself
I, too, lay bleeding on the sidewalk...

Mother
Long live the dying king

"A governmental blade
Now drawn from its private sheath
Quite a bargain I'd say, since either way
I will live by the show of your teeth..."

[Top]



9. Reconciliation

I thought I'd seen hell
Thought I knew it all
Now I know too well
Hell is to wake up
But it makes all the difference

Tasting the tears in my mouth
Taking the weight on my shoulders
The hours and days of your life
Don't necessarily make you older

I'm sick of running away
Along these bloody streets
I'm sick of predators and prey
Of being everybody's end!

I've washed my hands of your blood
Thought it would leave me clean
But with time on my hands
It turned to mud forming this crust of sin

Now - to be truly free
I'll let it come to me
So -break me if you must
When you break this crust
Freedom is to see

Hear this voice, see this man
Standing before you I'm just a child
Just a man learning to yield

I hate these hands soaked in blood
I hate what these eyes have seen
Up to my knees in filth and mud
How it hurts to become clean

I was always on my mind
But never on my side
Run - but if you run away
You'll always have to hide
So if you need to run
Run for help!

[Top]



10. Song for the Innocent

This world is what we can give
Scarred from the way we lived
All those dreams we shared for you
How I wish they could come true


We dreamed of a world in peace
But killed for a life of ease
Now we leave the wounds for you
What else can the dying do?

...all those dreams we shared for you
God, I wish them to be true...

[Top]



11. Falling

(Instrumental)

[Top]



12. The Perfect Element

Yesterday found him today
Caught him at his last breath
These walls built to stand come-what-may
Lie shattered in the ashes
His skin against this dirty floor
Eyes fixed on the ceiling
He has stretched those chains of sin
Far beyond all feelings
Still, so still...

In his head a thunderous
Cry of desperation
Tearing voices from his past
Scream for his attention
Behind those eyes a world explodes
No one there to save him
All pain that he's been passing on
Answers to his craving
Once more

I will never leave this shame...

Falling beyond the point of no return
Nothing to become and nothing left to burn

Stealing meaning from this child
We took away his reason
His soul put under lock and key
His heart blackened from treason
But if you take from those you fear
Everything they value
You have bred the perfect beast
Drained enough to kill you

Falling beyond the point of no return
Nothing to become and nothing left to burn

Watching unseen untouched bleeding
Empty exposed dying eyes closed

Once he had forests and mountains
That were only his - listening to him
Once he would run through the summer days
Catching memories for ages to come
Now he is dressing this naked floor
With his flesh and blood, and times passes by
His trade of pain might just have lead him
To deal with consequence
For some change as time passes by

I am the waking child
(Lingering, climbing, clinging, clutching
Craving, clawing, hurting, falling down)
I, the wayward son of a mountain lake
(Of icy liquor tears, of a silent Earth)
(Of a rusty lid, of a wingless wind)
(Of an eyeless storm, of fallen gods,
who lost their way)
I set myself on fire
To breed the Perfect Element

Will I ever walk again?

Falling far beyond the point of no return
Nothing to become and nothing left to burn

(This is the end)

Nothing left to say,
The pain will go away
Now you must surely see,
That you are killing me
You are killing me
Now you are killing me
(You must never leave this shame!)
Now you are killing me
(You must never leave this shame!)
Now you are killing me
(You must never leave this shame!)

Is this more than you want?