Notes:

My very first Angel Sanctuary fan fic.. ^^ I hope it was alright.. Thanks for reading.

°°°

S p l i c e d

A slim and elegant figure clothed in the finest silks of heaven sat on his heels before a wooden coffin. It almost looked like he knelt. But no, Rociel did not kneel. Rociel never kneeled to another, because people kneeled to him.

The room was dark, but the atmosphere was not oppressing to Rociel in the least. He felt comfortable in the darkness; it welcomed him with open arms. The man that sat before the coffin was an angel, with flowing locks of silky hair and a pretty face. An angel admired by many, and just as feared. He was known throughout heaven as Rociel, the Inorganic Angel. In the absence of Adam Kadamon and God, he wielded the power of Atziluth.

Rociel's face was set in a solemn expression. The usual light in his eyes had gone dimmer, as if a certain vitality had diminished.

Katan.. My dear Katan why will you not awaken from your stubborn slumber? Instead, you hide from me in that coffin of yours. You hide and refuse to speak to me, to be with me. Ever since I rescued you from that burning hell, you lay in the confinement of that box as if you were truly dead.

Rociel shook his head, ignoring the voices that suddenly came unbidden into his mind. Accusing little voices that wouldn't leave him, annoying and irritating. They accused him of forcing the pill down Katan's unwilling throat. But, but how painful it had been to watch Katan. Half of his body had been blown away, burned and charred. The perfect skin had been marred, and those eyes only looked on him bleakly with agony. Rociel had watched, as his life bled away, and his spirit beginning to fade. No, Rociel could not have that. Rociel knew one way to save Katan, to save him from the nothingness that came after death. He bestowed upon Katan the priceless gift that would keep him by Rociel's side forever. The gift of life. But poor Katan, poor hallucinating Katan could not think clearly in his pain and rejected the gift. His protests against becoming a mindless servant had shocked and boiled Rociel’s blood. Rociel had offered Katan life, and he only wished for death.  But of course what Katan really wanted to do was to follow Rociel, to serve him until the end of the universe. This was truth.  Katan would never leave his side. He would doubt, and disapprove, but he would stay. Always. 

Yet what was this nagging feeling, some pull of guilt that Rociel felt? As Katan’s ravaged body had been engulfed into the wires that were Rociel’s element, his face had been twisted into an expression that looked like.. Pity.  No, that could not have been it. What was there to pity about Rociel? He had wealth, power, and beauty while Katan was the one that was suffering and dying.  It was for himself that Katan should have saved such a pathetic emotion for.

Rociel reached out, and with fingers outstretched he placed a hand on the coffin’s lid. It was a dark burgundy wood, smooth surface with a single metallic cross nailed at the very top. He traced the shape of the cross, wondering if Katan could somehow feel the warmth of his hand, the touch that bid him to come out, to acknowledge  him.  Again no sound came from the coffin.  Rociel was not used to being denied of things he wanted.

“Come out Katan,“ he said a little more insistently. “Show me that you are by my side as you have always been. Do not dwell any longer in that crude prison.”  When no answer came, Rociel began to grow a little impatient. He hated waiting, and hated beings who made him wait even more. He reached over and flipped open the lid.

In the coffin lay Katan’s half-formed body, merged with a countless number of wires. He was still rejecting Rociel, refusing to let his conciousness go. At this stage he should have been healed and ready to do Rociel’s bidding. His body was so thin he looked small and helpless. The wires were the only things about Katan that seemed alive and moving. They danced about him, a painful dance that was writhing yet never ending. It was exactly the same as it had been when Rociel looked upon him a few nights ago. Katan had even attacked him, hostility obvious in his movements.  Would Katan attack now?  But nothing happened. Katan’s eyes were open, staring off into a distance that Rociel could not see.

Reaching in, Rociel stroked the tender skin of a newly formed cheek. Katan’s eyes did not turn to him.

            “Stop your futile battle Katan,” he chided, his voice sweetened like honey. “I know how you love life. Let me guide you to it, I can help you...”

Once again, Katan did not respond to his voice or movements. Rociel felt as though he was being purposely being ignored. He hated being ignored, why was Katan ignoring him? A trace of anger started to worm itself onto Rociel’s face, twisting the smile into a frown.

From jest to sorrow to ashes..

“Fine,” Rociel snapped. “I was mistaken. You aren’t any different from the puppets in heaven.” He slammed the coffin shut, then turned away from it, as if suddenly disgusted by the sight of it.

He spoke again, this time his voice was unusually quiet.  “I have no need for disobedient servants.. And even less for ones that are dead.” Rociel parted from the room; he couldn’t stand the sight of Katan’s lifeless form any longer.

 Rociel did not see the silent moving of parched and broken lips that moved slowly to form his name.

“Rociel..sama..”

***

Katan had not been aware of it for a very long time, the fact that he still breathed. He was still among the living, he was not dead yet. Quite a surprise, but Rociel’s magic was very strong.  Slowly, Katan forced his eyelids to open. Considering his present location, there was not much to see. However, he liked the small comfort that sight brought him, to be able to determine himself if he really was still here. Sometimes his breaths were little more than sharp painful intakes of air.  He could feel the lingering power of Rociel’s magic deep within his body, working over the damaged cells to make his body whole. At the same time, another force similar to it was forcing itself into Katan’s mind like a parasite. His mind and body had been wrestling against these forces ever since the pill had entered him. He did not want to become a mindless slave, bound to Rociel for all eternity. For that was surely what he would become, like all the rest before him that had taken Rociel’s pill.  He was doomed to slavery.

Ah, that’s right. Katan, I want to ask you a question. Am I.. Beautiful? Like the time that I reigned in Atziluth… Am I just as beautiful as back then?

Yes..  You have not changed at all, Rociel-sama.

            Katan had been wrong. Rociel had changed, and changed a great deal.  His heart had grown twisted, more easily obsessed over things. The Inorganic Angel never hesitated to take another’s life if it meant his desires could be fulfilled. This was not how Katan had remembered Rociel, the caring beautiful angel that had given him life. The one that had transformed him from a lowly life form of a grigori into a true angel. It seemed almost as if.. As if Rociel was slowly going insane. Nonsense, Katan thought. Rociel-sama’s light will never diminish.

Whenever Katan praised Rociel, he had looked at him with such happy eyes, happiness clearly underlined with sadness and a tinge of uncertainty.  Katan couldn’t find himself to cross that threshold to break away from Rociel. Even if it had meant his own death, he had sworn to follow Rociel forever. Even if it meant he would have to dirty his hands in human blood.  Katan had walked a path that wrought about a fate worse than death. He could not win over Rociel’s magic, but he was not prepared to yield. He was not ready to willingly lose himself, to give everything to Rociel so that he could do as he wished.  No, it was not supposed to be like this.  They were supposed to be happy, everyone was supposed to be happy…  Was that not how heaven was supposed to be like? 

You are a naïve one, you know that don’t you? Always wanting to assume the best in others.

It seems I paid the price in full…

 It did not take long before Rociel had come to visit him after his coffin had been moved that darken room. The first time, Katan was in a rage and had attacked Rociel. His emotions were still too raw, the pain of betrayal. He wasn’t sure what he would have done if he had succeeded. Now.. Katan was at a loss. He did not know how to respond, what to do. Reject him? Give into him? Forgive him? And so, he did nothing.  He lay a blank stare upon his face, and set his eyes into the unseeing distance.  Rociel prodded him. Cursed him. Painful accusations cut through him, leaving bitter thoughts. Still, he did nothing.  Because there was nothing to do. At first Rociel had coaxed him with little touches and comforting words, but  his voice had quickly turned sour. Finally, Rociel turned away from him, but not before giving him a freezing stare that Katan could feel penetrate his very bones. This time  there were no words to assure Katan that everything was right, that Rociel had everything under control. There was only coldness, a empty hole in Katan’s chest that went beyond physical pain. 

I don’t need him. I don’t need his smile. Death would welcome me into its grip sooner than he.

But he saved you. He raised you, and you yourself swore an oath that you would always be by his side.

He doesn’t need me. His brilliance shines for all of heaven, everyone falls to their knees before him.

You forsake him and yet you praise him.

He was the one who forsaked me! Forsaked my trust with the exchange of that damned pill.

It was for him that you spilled human blood, it was for him that you worked so hard.  It is for him that you will continue to walk your path.

What are you feeling now? Sadness, because you are not by him. Sadness, because he is hurt by you.  Anger, because of your uncertainty.

What do you want to do?

            I do not know..

            Sheer helplessness.

I want to ..  Be happy.

I want to .. Live. Being with him..

Can one love and hate at the same time?

Rociel-sama..

***

Rociel was in a foul mood.  Everything was going smoothly. As a result, he was rather bored. Rociel liked chaos over order, it made life much more interesting. He hated being bored above everything. Boredom, even the very syllables sounded bland in his mind. Though he was treated with great respect, everyone went out of his or her way to avoid him. Which was fine with him really, he did not want the company of that mindless bunch. The pathetic beings that only lived to please. And Sevotharte was no fun to talk to at all; he always kept a cautious guard around Rociel.  And with good reason, Rociel thought. But as long as he keeps up, this game still holds some amusement for me.

As he sat in his velvet-lined chair, his thoughts began to wander. Alexiel’s latest reincarnation, that Setsuna boy was somewhere in Hades. Searching for his lost love. How perfectly foolish and stupid, Rociel thought. The Messiah was wasting his time with that girl. He couldn’t understand the logic thought behind it. What could have possessed the Messiah to plunge into the depths of Hades just to find a lost soul? He didn’t understand the concept of dying for a loved one, and dying for them in return. It seemed like such a waste. Had anyone ever died for him, shed tears for him? Rociel’s thoughts came slowly to a stop, well aware of the answer to that question.

***

Rociel was going visiting to Katan again. He felt some sort of pull, day by day that attracted him to that room in the far reaches of the palace. It was a subtle tugging of the heart, something he couldn’t define or quite put a finger on. At the same time it felt like an irritating itch that would not be sated until he satisfied it. It couldn’t be just the fact that he felt sorry for that foolish angel. Katan used to be so good and obedient but after freeing him from the Earth, Rociel constantly felt an air of disapproval from the younger angel at whatever he did. That was something Rociel did not need, he commanded absolute submission from his subjects. So why was here now? Why was he walking towards that room, an unseen force pushing and pulling at him? The apprehension he felt at the upcoming encounter, the mix of pain and happiness when he thought of Katan. It felt like..  Startled, Rociel stopped in the middle of a hallway. No.. It couldn’t be that. There was no way in Sheol it could be that.

You need him.

His eyes widened, surprise registering in his brain. The simple statement, bold but true. He had never intended for Katan to become so close to him, never intended to become friends and…

Katan was a weakness. With his obsession to awaken onee-san Alexiel, Rociel had not taken notice at all how close they had become.  It was surprising that Sevotharte had not exploited this weak point of Rociel’s yet. It could be he only knew Katan as the loyal Cherubim whom had freed Rociel from the prison of Earth. After all, all the other subjects of his held very little value, much less an attachment from him.

Katan, what are you doing to me?

Embracing me, turning me away.

Obedient Katan, rebellious little Katan.

Tendrils of energy began to manifest itself, hovering just above Rociel’s right palm.  Why hadn’t he done this earlier, how could he have not foreseen this.

Dear Katan, always so dependable.

Dear Katan, forcing me down the edge.

Dear Katan, driving me insane.

            “That’s right.. The solution is so simple.”

His eyes glinted with the light of madness, and he broke into a wide smile. He was going to save Katan. He was going to save Katan at last, and save himself.  Save his sanity.

Hate me..

Love me..

Hate you..

Love you..

Kill you..

Kimi no kokoro ga itain darou? Doshite? Oshiete… [Your heart is hurting, isn’t it? Why? Tell me…]

 Back to Fanfic °°° 2nd chapter