ACT ONE

SCENE ONE

 

[Rosaura’s room. Rosaura and COLOMBINA are both at the dressing table fixing their hair.]

 

ROSAURA

Princess COLOMBINA, in my humble opinion, before you take care of yourself, you should do your duty and attend to your mistress!

COLOMBINA

I have done my duty, Signora, I’ve been standing behind you for two hours, Signora – frizzing and crimping and primping,  and what’s the point? You’re never happy with it and you keep fiddling with it and turning it into a rat’s nest.

ROSAURA

Look how presumptuous she is! You leave my hair in a mess and waste time on your own.

COLOMBINA

Why not? I’ve got hair, too.

ROSAURA

But I am the mistress and you are the maid!

COLOMBINA

Don’t push me, or I’ll say something --

ROSAURA

That’s enough! My fiancée will be here at any minute! He might see me like this!

COLOMBINA

Mine’s going to be here, too! I want to look my best for him!

ROSAURA

What impudence! How dare you compare yourself to me?!

COLOMBINA

I’m warning you, miss - a little more respect, or else --

ROSAURA

That does it! You get up this second or I’ll have you horse-whipped.

COLOMBINA

Horse-whipped! Me! That'll be the day.

ROSAURA

Is this the way to speak to your mistress?! You gutter-snipe! I'm going to tell my father right now.

COLOMBINA

What father?  And what mistress?  Signorina, I know what’s what!

ROSAURA

What is that supposed to mean, you little hussy?!

COLOMBINA

Don’t call me names, or I’ll spill the beans! [to challenge , annoy / pick teeth]

ROSAURA

Go right ahead! What could you say, liar?!

COLOMBINA

I could say plenty! My lips have been zipped up long enough! [buttoned]

 

 

ACT ONE

                                                        SCENE TWO

[ENTER DOCTOR]

 

DOCTOR

What the hell is all this noise in here? What’s the matter, what happened?

ROSAURA

Oh, father, thrash her! She insults me, she mistreats me, she shows me no respect.

DOCTOR

[TO COLOMBINA] What? How dare you treat my daughter like that?

COLOMBINA

Cool it, Signore.  I know a lot more than you think. My mother told me everything,

you know.

DOCTOR

[ASIDE] Damn and blast her! If she were alive, I’d kill her.

[TO COLOMBINA]

COLOMBINA!  For heaven's sake, don’t say anything! [Keep quiet] Keep your mouth shut, and  I will do anything you want.

COLOMBINA

[TO DOCTOR] OK, my lips are sealed. [OK, I won’t say a word] and I’ll let her mistreat me.

ROSAURA

Well… father…?

DOCTOR

Your future husband is arriving this morning – Signor Zanetto Bisognosi, son of the famous Venetian merchant, Pantalone, but brought up in Bergamo by his uncle Stefanello, one of the richest merchants in Lombardy.

COLOMBINA

And don’t forget – I’m marrying his servant, Arlecchino. You promised to fix me up. [set it up]

DOCTOR

[TO COLOMBINA] All right, all right, I’ll take care of it. You will be satisfied, if you keep quiet.

COLOMBINA

If you want me to keep quiet, you’d better [= “close my mouth with the marriage”]

DOCTOR

Rosaura, when did you last see Signor Pancrazio?

ROSAURA

I see him almost every day.

DOCTOR

He’s such a fine gentleman.

ROSAURA

Yes! He never stops giving me good advice.

DOCTOR

As long as I live, this house is his.

ROSAURA   

You’re right.  He’s such a great help to us.

COLOMBINA

Personally, I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him.

DOCTOR

Quiet, you viper! [mal a lingua / gossip]  What reason do you have to say that?

COLOMBINA

I know what I say -- I don’t want to explain it [ _________]

 

ACT ONE

                 SCENE THREE

 

[ENTER BRIGHELLA]

 

BRIGHELLA

Signor Master, Signora Mistress, Signor has just arrived from Bergamo.

He just got off his horse and he’s at the door, talking with someone that he met on the way.

DOCTOR

Thank God! [TO ROSAURA] My darling daughter, I’ll go welcome him and

escort him to you immediately. 

[EXITS]

 

ACT ONE

                   SCENE FOUR

 

[ROSAURA, BRIGHELLA, AND COLOMBINA]

 

ROSAURA

Brighella, tell me  – you’ve seen Signor Zanetto – what’s he like? Young? Good looking?

BRIGHELLA

I’ll tell you, signora, well, he’s not bad looking, he’s young, he's got that going for him --

But, from what I’ve seen of him, he seems very inept.   He doesn’t even know which side of 

the horse to get down off of.  He’s the spitting image of his twin brother, Tonino, who lives

in Venice, where I had the chance to know him him.  But, while their face is the same, the

rest is not.  Tonino is a clever and self-confident fellow; this one is a simple-minded oaf. [bumpkin]

ROSAURA

This report is not good. [does not please me/ This is not good news.]

COLOMBINA

[TO BRIGHELLA] 

Is his servant with him? Arlecchino? Did he arrive?

BRIGHELLA

Nope. He did not arrive. He will follow shortly with the luggage.

COLOMBINA

Too bad.  I’m curious to know what he looks like.

BRIGHELLA

I know, I know why… Your favors will soon be his.

COLOMBINA

Jealous? Eat your heart out.

[COLOMBINA EXITS].

 

ACT ONE

         SCENE FIVE

[ROSAURA AND BRIGHELLA]

 

ROSAURA

Tell me, Brighella, how did you know his family in Venice? And why was Signor

Zanetto brought up in Bergamo?

BRIGHELLA

I was a servant in the house of a rich merchant, a close friend of the late Pantalone Bisognosi,

the father of these twins. Now, Signor Pantalone also had a daughter. He sent her off to live

in Bergamo, with his brother, Stefanello, who was very rich but had no heirs. That’s where Zanetto had also been sent, before her.  Being in the Bisognosi house, I heard that the girl was

lost.  She never reached Bergamo. Somehow. . . she disappeared along the way and the family never heard anything more about her. This is all I know about the family except that the Bisognosi are one of the richest and most distinguished families in all Venice. 

ROSAURA

That’s better. But, it’s too bad Signor Zanetto is not charming like is brother.

BRIGHELLA

Here he comes with your father. Now, see for yourself if I’m not telling the truth.

 

ACT ONE

                       SCENE SIX

 

[ENTER DOCTOR AND ZANETTO ]

 

ROSAURA

Hmm, he's kind of cute. Maybe he’s not so stupid as Brighella made out.

DOCTOR

Signor Zanetto -- come on in, don’t be bashful [shy] -- 

Darling daughter, this is Signor Zanetto.

ZANETTO

How do you do?

ROSAURA

Signor, I am your humble servant.

ZANETTO

Oh, this one’s the servant. Too bad.  [TO DOCTOR] So, where’s the bride? [girl I’m supposed to wed?]

DOCTOR

Here. This is my daughter.  She is the bride.

ZANETTO

No, she just said she’s the servant.

DOCTOR

No, signore, she said, “I am your humble servant.” 

It’s a form of courtesy – of ceremony.

ZANETTO

Oh… I get it. This is not a good beginning.

DOCTOR

Why?

ZANETTO

Because in a good marriage, you don’t need lies and ceremony.

ROSAURA

[ASIDE]

He is a bit of a fool, but he’s very nice looking.

DOCTOR

Come now – let’s not quibble over details.

ROSAURA

Signor Zanetto, you can be sure that I am honest, I cannot tell a lie.

I will respect you and hold you in the highest esteem.

ZANETTO

All that stuff is worthless.

ROSAURA

Is my approach too formal for you?

ZANETTO

Yes, whatever -

ROSAURA

Your eyes dislike my countenance?

ZANETTO

Look, let’s quit beating around the bush. I came all the way to Verona to get married. 

All I'm waiting for now is my servant, Arlecchino, with my clothes, my jewelry and my cash.

ROSAURA

But am I not the one destined to be your wife?

ZANETTO

Well, but why all this mucking around? Just take my hand and it’s done.

ROSAURA

What a strange temperament!

DOCTOR

Signor Zanetto, where marriage is concerned there are certain, customary…formalities

to be observed. Say something to your bride-to-be… something suitable, polite, affectionate.

ZANETTO

All right… [TO ROSAURA] I’m all yours. I like your face. I’d like to…

Lookit, do me a favor.

DOCTOR

By all means.

ZANETTO

Get out of here. You’re getting me all mixed up.

DOCTOR

Very well – I will.  I am a most accommodating man.

[TO ROSAURA]

Now, darling daughter, be sensible: he may be a numbskull [dufus] but he’s a stinking rich numbskull. [dufus]

[TO ZANETTO]  My son-in-law --- my respects. [=?]

[ASIDE] Look to whom Fortune gives her favor!

 

ACT ONE

                    SCENE SEVEN

 

[ROSAURA AND ZANETTO]

 

ZANETTO

[TO DOTORE] [= formal Good-bye]

That’s it, then, we’re man and wife.

ROSAURA

I  hope so.

ZANETTO

Then why are we standing around like a couple of dummies?

ROSAURA

What would you like to do?

ZANETTO

Oh… man and wife…

ROSAURA

Man and wife, we’re going to be –I repeat, I hope so, -  but we haven’t had the wedding yet.

ZANETTO

No? What do we need for the wedding?

ROSAURA

We need the ceremonial service.

ZANNETTO

Look – you want to marry me.

ROSAURA

Oh, yes, I do!

ZANETTO

And I want to marry you. What other ceremony do we need? This is the best ceremony

in the world.

ROSAURA

You may be right, but that’s not how we do things round here.

ZANETTO

No? Then I’m heading right back to Bergamo – back to the mountains where I was raised.

There, when you love someone, this is all you need. You celebrate the marriage with two words, and all the ceremonies are up to man and wife.

ROSAURA

I’ll say it again. Here, we do things differently …  with formality.

ZANETTO

So how long does this formality take?

ROSAURA

At least two days.

ZANETTO

I can’t wait that long.

ROSAURA

You are too impatient!

ZANETTO

It’s either now, or never.

ROSAURA

This is an insult !

ZANETTO

What insult? To get married? I know a lot of girls that would like to be insulted like this.

ROSAURA

Dammit! Can’t you wait just one more day?

ZANETTO

Tell me, dear, can’t we do these ceremonies, these formalities, after the wedding? Let’s just

Get to it, and then we can go on with ceremonies forever [go on ceremonying forever.]

ROSAURA

Wait, Signor Zanetto, it seems you want to play with me.

ZANETTO

Sure, I’ d like to play with you. I want to play man and wife.

ROSAURA

When the time comes.

ZANETTO

There is an old saying: don’t put off till tomorrow what you can do today.

Come on – put me out of my misery!

ROSAURA

Such impertinence!

ZANETTO 

Come on!

ROSAURA  

Be sensible!

ZANETTO  

I am. 

ROSAURA

[Animal!] [= to be forward]

[SLAPS HIS FACE]

[LOOKS UP ASTONISHED. TOUCHES HIS CHEEK.  EXITS.].

 

ACT ONE

SCENE EIGHT

[ROSAURA, THEN PANCRAZIO]

 

ROSAURA

What in the world?! What insolence, what an impudent man!   I never would have expected such impertinence from a man, who at first, seemed so [dim-witted / dull/ ____]. But it’s always the shy ones  …   We women should never be left alone with men – it’s too dangerous. That’s what Signor Pancrazio always says. 

 

ROSAURA

Ah, here he comes – you can tell just from looking at him what a good man he is.

PANCRAZIO

PANCRAZIO

God be with you, young lady. You seem upset. Is something troubling you?

ROSAURA

Oh, Signor Pancrazio, if you only knew what has just happened to me.

PANCRAZIO

What? What? Confide in me, open your heart, my dear. You know you can trust me.

ROSAURA

I’ll tell you. You know my father promised me in marriage to a Venetian.

PANCRAZIO

[ASIDE]  If only he hadn’t!

ROSAURA

And you know that he left Bergamo and he’s just arrived in town.

PANCRAZIO

[ASIDE]

I wish he’d broken his neck on the way.

ROSAURA

Well, it turns out he’s a fool, and also very forward.

PANCRAZIO

The two are often inseparable.

ROSAURA

My father introduced us without delay.

PANCRAZIO

That’s bad.

ROSAURA

And then he left me alone with him.

PANCRAZIO

That’s worse.

ROSAURA

And then he…

PANCRAZIO

I can guess.

ROSAURA

… Said certain indecent words.

PANCRAZIO

And sweet too, isn’t it so?

ROSAURA

Yes, Signor Pancrazio.

PANCRAZIO

Did he…do anything?

ROSAURA

He did.

 

 

PANCRAZIO

Go on. What happened?

ROSAURA

He provoked me to the point that I had to slap his face.

PANCRAZIO

Oh, brava! Oh, wise, Oh, exemplary girl! Worthy to be inscribed in the annals of our

century’s great heroines! Mere words cannot express my admiration for your courage. Thus should such insolent people, who dare to defile the fair sex, be treated!  Oh brave hand, oh glorious, illustrious hand! Let me show my admiration and reverence by placing a kiss on that very hand that deserves  the applause of the entire world.

[HE TAKES HER HAND AND KISSES IT TENDERLY]

ROSAURA

Then I behaved appropriately? Do I deserve your approval?

PANCRAZIO

Yes! Definitely! My dear Rosaura, it is so rare nowadays to find such modesty in a young woman. Keep on that path. Learn to despise young men from whom you can expect only infidelity and abuse. Should you ever wish to give your heart, let it be to one who is worthy

of your love.

ROSAURA

But where will I find such a man?

PANCRAZIO

Oh, Rosaura, for the moment I can say no more. But I have your welfare at heart, more

than you could possibly imagine.  Enough.  Enough. One day you will know.

ROSAURA

Signore Pancrazio, you are so good to us, so kind, I know how much you care for the welfare

of our family, but, to be tell the truth, Signor Zanetto… I kind of like him. And. . . well. . .

If he weren’t so forward, maybe, maybe ---

PANCRAZIO

Oh no! Please! Seal your impetuous [= non-cautious] lips! Don’t spoil your heroic deed with

such base [prosaic] sentiments [desires, feelings] ! Come on… Hate this abhorant / abominable

object.  -- The man who cannot be modest, proves that he is not governed by reason!

Your virtues deserve a nobler object. I don’t want to hear you pronounce his name again!

ROSAURA

You’re right, Signor Pancrazio, forgive my momentary weakness.

I’ll inform my father immediately that I want nothing further to do with him.

PANCRAZIO

Brava! Now I [= get honor / approve / excel]

[= I will add my reasons to your own // ]

ROSAURA

Oh please, don’t ever desert us!

[ASIDE]

What a wise and honest man.

Happy father who has him in the house. Happy me who learns from his advice.

[ROSAURA EXITS].

 

ACT ONE

                    SCENE NINE

[PANCRAZIO ALONE]

 

PANCRAZIO

I shall have to get Rosaura through false virtue or fake wisdom, since I don’t have youth,

good looks, or money.  I found a way, that maybe… maybe will lead me to my goal.   Nowadays, he who pretends the best, wins. To be wise, you only have to look wise.

 [EXIT].

 

ACT ONE

          SCENE TEN

 

[A STREET. BEATRICE, DRESSED IN TRAVELLING CLOTHES WITH HER SERVANT

AND FLORINDO]

 

BEATRICE

Signor Florindo, I‘ll say it again, I wish to go back to Venice.

FLORINDO

Oh, but why such a sudden decision?

BEATRICE

I’ve been waiting to go to Milano with Tonino for six days now and there’s still no sign of him. I’ m afraid he’s either changed his mind or been in some mysterious accident in Venice. I’ll leave at once and go find out for myself.

FLORINDO

Pardon me, this would be dangerous! You can’t go back to Venice. You just escaped from Venice. Tonino told you to come here and wait for him. Your parents would see you there,

and you’d be finished!

BEATRICE

Venice is big. I shall travel at night, to avoid being recognized.

FLORINDO

No Signora Beatrice, I will not let you go.  Tonino told me to keep you here, and he placed you under my protection.  I’m compelled by the law of friendship with him--

[ASIDE]

And by the force of my love for her.

BEATRICE

Don’t get upset if, against your will, I will get, without your help, a coach.

And  I, and my servant, will get back to Venice, just as we got here to Verona.

FLORINDO

That would be the worst mistake!  You told me yourself, that you were being pestered on your journey by some lunatic called Lelio. I’ve seen him with my own eyes, right here in Verona, he was looking for you. I almost had to fight him. If he finds out you’re traveling back, you cannot avoid his insults.

BEATRICE

An honorable woman does not fear such insults.

FLORINDO

But a woman, however honorable, traveling alone, even with a servant, is improper and is asking for trouble!

BEATRICE

Nonetheless, I want to leave.

FLORINDO

Just wait two more days.

BEATRICE

Ah, something in my heart says I have lost my Tonino forever.

FLORINDO

Perish the thought! But if that should turn out to be the case, what would be the point of

going back to Venice?

BEATRICE

What would be the point of staying in Verona?

FLORINDO

Here, you might meet someone who appreciates your qualities and would take Tonino’s place in your heart.

BEATRICE

No!  Never! It’s either Tonino - or death.

FLORINDO

[ASIDE]

If I can get her to stay, and Tonino doesn’t materialize, I might be able to win her yet.

BEATRICE

[ASIDE]

When he least expects it, I’ll slip away.

FLORINDO

Oh my God! Here comes Lelio, that fop! He’s hovering around you. What would you do

without me?

BEATRICE

Let’s leave.

FLORINDO

Oh, no, show him no fear. Stay calm. Don’t be afraid.

BEATRICE

This is all I need! I’ll never get out of here!

 

ACT ONE

SCENE ELEVEN

LELIO

Dazzling jewel of Venice, a coach driver told me that you want to return to your hometown.

If so, you can rely on my protection. I shall give you coach, horses, driver, footmen, money, and whatever you want -- if you will only grant me the supreme pleasure of accompanying you.

BEATRICE

[ASIDE]

How crude!

FLORINDO

Excuse me, may I enquire by what right you  make these offers to Signora Beatrice, while she is with me?

LELIO

Why do I care that she is with you? Who are you anyway? Her brother? Her relative? Her companion?

FLORINDO

I am amazed at you and at your rude behavior! I am a man of honor, bound by oath to protect this lady.

LELIO

Well, friend, you have a difficult task.

FLORINDO

Why?

LELIO

Because it would take a manlier man than you to defend such a woman.

FLORINDO

I’m man enough to take on you and a thousand like you!

LELIO

[TO FLORINDO] Cut it short!

[TO BEATRICE] What would you like from me? Money? Clothes? Protection?

Just ask…

FLORINDO

You make me lose my patience! 

LELIO

Oh, come on – I know your kind! You’re a “gentleman.”

Signora Beatrice, give me your hand and let me serve you.

BEATRICE

It seems to me that you are impertinent.

LELIO

In love, one must be bold. What do we need these useless ceremonies for? Come on, let’s go.

[HE REACHES FOR HER HAND, SHE PULLS IT AWAY]

FLORINDO

Maybe this will teach you some manners.

[PUSHES LELIO]

LELIO

This, to me? To me, you fool! To me, who no man in the world has insulted without paying

for it with his life’s blood? Do you know who I am?  I am the Marquis Lelio, Lord of Fresh Mountain,  Count of Clear Fountain, Magistrate of Shadow Forest.  I have more estates than you have hairs on your badly-combed wig. And I have more millions of ducats than you have ever ved beatings [ ________________

FLORINDO

And you have more crazy notions in your head than there grains of sand in the sea and stars

in the sky.

[ASIDE]

Count and marquis, indeed!  He thinks I don’t know him. He’s Doctor Balanzoni’s nephew.

LELIO

Either the lady comes with me, or you will fall victim to my rage! [feel the full wrath of my fury!]

FLORINDO

This lady is in my charge. Lay a finger on her and I will answer with my sword.

LELIO

Unhappy youth! I pity you! Do you really wish [want] to die?

BEATRICE

[TO FLORINDO, QUIETLY]

Please. Don’t endanger yourself on my account.

FLORINDO

Don’t worry, I will cut him down to size!

LELIO

You are young. Live on, and leave this woman with me. The world has many women, you have only one life.

FLORINDO

Honor means more to me than life. Leave now, or draw your sword.

[HAND ON SWORD]

LELIO

You are not my equal. You are not noble. I will not fight with you.

FLORINDO

Noble or common – this is how I deal with cowards.

[STRIKES HIM WITH THE FLAT OF HIS SWORD]

LELIO

This, to me! To me! Ye gods above -- oh, protectors of my noble line, assist me

in this battle. [fight]

FLORINDO

Now we’ll see what you can do!

[THEY FIGHT]

BEATRICE

Oh, unhappy me! I don’t want to witness a tragedy!  I’ll go [retreat to ] in the inn.

 

[AS THE TWO CONTINUE FIGHTING, BEATRICE AND SERVANT EXIT]

 

ACT ONE

SCENE TWELVE

 

[FLORINDO AND LELIO FIGHT. FLORINDO SLIPS AND FALLS. LELIO PLACES TIP OF SWORD AT HIS THROAT. TONINO ENTERS. OBSERVES]

 

FLORINDO

Ah! I slipped.

LELIO

Reckless man! You are vanquished.

FLORINDO

I tell you, I slipped.

LELIO

My courage defeated you! Die!!

TONINO

[ENTERS WITH SWORD DRAWN TO DEFEND FLORINDO]

Hold Sir! A gentleman’s code dictates that when man lies beneath,

sword lies in sheath.

 

LELIO

Why do you butt in?

TONINO

I butt in because I am a man of honor, and your conduct is unbecoming, sir.

FLORINDO

What?! Signor Tonino! My dear friend...

[STANDS UP]

TONINO

[TO FLORINDO]  Not so loud. I am your friend.  I came just in time to save your life.

But don’t call me by name –

[TO LELIO] Come on, [good for nothing, useless person], let’s see what you’re made of.

[CHALLENGES LELIO]

LELIO

[ASIDE]

This is all I need. 

[TO TONINO] Who are you?

TONINO                                                                                                                               

I’m a Venetian. I’m not afraid of you. I could handle ten of your kind!

LELIO

I have nothing against you, and I don’t want to fight you.

TONINO

But I have something against you, and I want to fight you.

LELIO

Are you crazy? What do you have against me?

TONINO

You have insulted my friend, so you have insulted me. In Venice, we value friendship more than life, itself.  And I wouldn’t be worthy of the name, Venetian, if I didn’t live up to the example of my fellow citizens who are epitome of honor!

LELIO

But what insult did I make to this great friend of yours?

TONINO

You think it’s nothing? To kill a man when he’s down?! You think it’s nothing? To tell him

to “die” when he is lying on his back!? Come, put your hand on the sword

FLORINDO

[TO TONINO]  No, my friend – don't risk your life on my account.

TONINO

Out of my way. Fighting this [=group of ducks] is about as dangerous

as drinking  [=a fresh egg] a glass of milk.

LELIO

I have suffered your insolence long enough, this is a slur on my honor and the honor of my forefathers.

TONINO

Four? So you don't know which one it was? What would your mummy say?

LELIO

I swear by Heaven –

TONINO

I swear by Earth -

[TONINO DISARMS LELIO]

LELIO

Rotten fate!  I am disarmed.

TONINO

You are disarmed. I’m satisfied. You see how you should behave? Unlike you, I don’t

Kill you; I don’t say “Die!”  It is honor enough to have defeated you. I will keep your

sword as a memento of this triumph – just the blade – I will send the handle to you so that you can sell it and pay for a doctor who [to bleed / bloodletting / bleed you] to get over your shock.

LELIO

Enough! There will be another time for my revenge.

TONINO

Get this straight [let me make this clear]: I’m always available, whenever you want!

LELIO

We’ll see, we’ll see

[LELIO EXITS].

 

ACT I

        SCENE 13

 

[TONINO AND FLORINDO]

TONINO

Go! And your proudest boast will be -

That you have now crossed swords with me!

FLORINDO

Tonino, my dear friend, how can I ever thank you?

TONINO

Don't mention it. Now then, where is Beatrice?

FLORINDO

Beatrice!

[ASIDE] I'd better pretend. [ALOUD] Who is Beatrice?

TONINO

Beatrice, the girl who escaped from Venice on my account.  The one I sent to you to look after until I arrived.

FLORINDO

My friend, I didn’t see anyone.

TONINO

Is this some kind of joke?

FLORINDO

I’m serious. I’m afraid I haven't seen the lady of whom you speak. It would have been a pleasure to serve you….

 

 

 

TONINO

I understand … she's deceived me. And I thought I'd found a faithful woman. We've been in love for two years. Her father disapproves of me. He thinks I'm a good for nothing just because I love company and live life to its fullest (always with honor and in a respectful way).  So, as he did not want to give her to me, I suggested to her that she elope.  She didn't think twice -- just packed her bags and left to come here. A faithful servant of mine accompanied her to Verona while I stayed in Venice, so as not to arouse suspicion. But some damn foreigner, who had designs on her, found out and picked a quarrel with me. One thing led to another. I slapped him, full frontal. It was the talk of the town – he was outraged.  He wanted to kill me. 

I grabbed a gondola, and without even going home to get money or luggage, with only what

I had, I came straight here, expecting to meet up with Beatrice, but it’s clear that the tart has double-crossed me.  Anyway, while I'm here, don't call me Tonino because I don’t want to be recognized. Call me Zanetto!

FLORINDO

Why, Zanetto?

TONINO

Because I have a twin brother in Bergamo called Zanetto, he looks just like me. People will mistake me for him. That way I'll avoid danger.

FLORINDO

This twin brother of yours, Zanetto – is he still in Bergamo?

TONINO

I think so, but I'm not sure, because we’ve been more relatives than friends. I know he's

much richer than me, but then I have been burning the candle at both ends. I heard that he wants to get married, but I don’t know where or to whom. He’s a [= bit of a fool / bit of a bumpkin]  Happy the woman who marries him: women prefer fools for husbands better than

a good income.   [would rather have a fool for a husband than good income]

FLORINDO

My friend, if you want to honor my house with your presence, your are welcome.

TONINO

I wouldn't want to cause you any inconvenience.

FLORINDO

It would be my pleasure, but, to be honest… my father – he’s  a bit peculiar, and he doesn’t

want to see anyone. [really like people in the house]

TONINO

No, no, don't worry about it. I'll stay at an Inn.

FLORINDO

I’m terribly sorry, but if I can be of help…

TONINO

Tonino Bisognosi doesn’t scrounge off his friends. Honorable men, like me, they give, they

do not take. Come to Venice and you will see. We Venetians give our heart to strangers.

We like to treat strangers in a way that all will give better reports of Venice than of their own home towns. I know you mean well, but as a good mother doesn’t say, “would you like?” she says, “Take!”

FLORINDO

My dear friend, come!

TONINO

Pretend that I have accepted. If I can be of help, ask me. I am Tonino, and that’s enough!

My life, my livelihood – all for my country, and then for my friends. “Fight for your homeland and whoever turns his back, is a traitor!” Your servant sir.

[TONINO EXITS].

 

ACT ONE

SCENE FOURTEEN

 

[FLORINDINO ALONE]

FLORINDO

I am completely mortified!  Tonino has justly reprimanded me, but the love I feel for Beatrice makes me an ingrate.  If I take him to my house, my plan will be discovered. It would be better if he left Verona, and she stayed. Then I will reveal my feelings to her, and maybe, she will accept them. [= NEGATIVE she will not object] I’ll go and find her. For today, and tomorrow, I must keep her out of sight. I’ll send her servant out of Verona. I’ll do everything I can to get this rare beauty.  I know I fail to do my duty and I betray my friendship, but love is the taskmaster of heart. I owe Tonino my life, and I’m ready to sacrifice my life for him.  I’m willing to do anything for him.  But give up Beatrice?  Never!  I adore her.

[EXIT].

 

ACT ONE

SCENE FIFTEEN

 

[ENTER ZANETTO, DEPRESSED AND DEEP IN THOUGHT.  HE IS HOLDING HIS CHEEK.]

 

[TO ZANETTO, ASSUMING HE IS TONINO]

 

LELIO

Now you're alone. This time we can fight.

ZANETTO

You humble servant.

LELIO

Fewer words, more actions. Where is your hand?

ZANETTO

My hand? Here it is.

LELIO

What, don’t play the fool. Put you hand on the sword.

ZANETTO

On the sword?

LELIO

Yes, on the sword.

ZANETTO

Why?

LELIO

Because I am a courageous man, and I will not allow one defeat to obscure the glory I have

won with countless deeds of valor.

ZANETTO

Where are you from?

LELIO

Rome. Why?

ZANETTO

Because I don’t understand a word you say.

 LELIO

You don’t understand a word I say?  Perhaps you will understand this glittering steel.

[PUTS HAND ON SWORD]

ZANETTO

[SHOUTS]

Ah!  Oh, folks, help me! He's going to kill me!

LELIO

Don't you play the fool with me, I know you're not afraid. But Hercules himself would yield

to me, unless Zena disarmed me. On guard!

ZANETTO

[ASIDE]

First a slap – now the sword. This is not my day.

LELIO

Bestir yourself, I say. Answer my challenge.

[HITS HIM WITH FLAT OF SWORD]

ZANETTO

Help!

LELIO

Defend yourself, or I shall run you through.

 

ACT ONE

SCENE SIXTEEN

 

[ENTER FLORINDO, SWORD IN HAND]

 

FLORINDO

Here I am to save my friend!  Turn your sword on me.

LELIO

[TO FLORINDO. POINTING TO THE ONE HE THINKS IS TONINO]

This man is a lily-livered nave - a  coward!

ZANETTO

Right, it’s true.

FLORINDO

[TO LELIO]

Nonsense. He is extremely courageous.

ZANETTO

[ASIDE]

A fat lot he knows.

LELIO

Then why will he not turn and face me?

ZANETTO

[ASIDE]  Because I'm scared.

FLORINDO

Because you’re not worthy of a rematch.

ZANETTO

[ASIDE]

He’s completely mad.

FLORINDO

Anyway, it is me you shall be fighting.

LELIO

Well, here I am. I can defeat you and a hundred like you.

[THEY FIGHT]

ZANETTO

Very good... well done ... go on ... skewer him!

FLORINDO

Ah, the Great One is defeated!

LELIO

Ah, cruel fate, the enemy of the valiant…

FLORINDO

Your life is in my hands.

ZANETTO

All right. Kill him. Skewer him.

FLORINDO

No. That would not be the action of a gentleman.

ZANETTO

He damn near gutted me. How's that for the action of a gentleman?

FLORINDO

When I was down and he was about to kill me before, you reprimanded him.

ZANETTO

You're crazy! Go on now – finish him off.

FLORINDO

[TO LELIO]

No.  Go, sir.  Live.  And be grateful for the life I gave you.

LELIO

You, Sir, are a worthy opponent, but he is nothing but a coward.

[LELIO EXITS].

 

ACT ONE

SCENE SEVENTEEN

 

ZANETTO

Whatever you say.

FLORINDO

Dear friend, this isn’t like you. What are you playing at?  Is it just a whim?

 

ZANETTO

No, sir, I’m not pretending.   I’ve never been so scared in all my life. He was going to

skewer me.  You got here just in time.

FLORINDO

I am happy to have saved your life.

ZANETTO

Bless you. Let me kiss the hand that saved my life.

FLORINDO

I only did you what you did for me. You saved my life, I’ve saved your life.

ZANETTO

I’ve saved your life?

FLORINDO

Yes, you defended me against Lelio the first time.

ZANETTO

I don’t remember it.

FLORINDO

That’s just like you.  You’re being modest. What a gentleman!

Anyway, I would advise you to get out of Verona. You have been recognized.

ZANETTO

Yeah, they all know me.

FLORINDO                               

And if they know you, you are in danger.

ZANETTO

Things are going from bad to worse.

FLORINDO

Well, you did slap someone, you know.

ZANETTO

Someone slapped me, you mean.

FLORINDO

Someone slapped you?

ZANETTO

Slapped me.  I was on the receiving end.

FLORINDO

Anyway, have you seen the lady?

ZANETTO

No, sir, I haven’t seen her any more.

FLORINDO

[ASIDE] And I couldn’t find Beatrice.

ZANETTO

…and I don't care if I  ever see her again.

FLORINDO

That’s good. [=You’ll do well.]  Don’t care. Take my advice, go home.  Forget about her. 

ZANETTO

That’s what I intended to do.

FLORINDO

If I can help at all…

ZANETTO

No, thank you.

FLORINDO

Arrivedercci.

ZANETTO

My regards [respect].

FLORINDO

Poor man, seems to have turned into an imbecile. [Amazing how love can addle the brain.]

[=love plays strange tricks.]

 

[FLORINDO EXITS].

 

ACT ONE

SCENE EIGHTEEN

ZANETTO

[[=stabo fresco= bad situation, done, cooked, ]] If that guy hadn’t come, I’d have been a gonner.]  It seems that everybody knows about the slap that lady gave me. Anyway… this young man likes me.  He suggests that I go.  But then I think about Rosaura, and I think I like Rosaura, and I would like her to be my wife.

It’s a pity Arlecchino has not yet arrived with my clothes, my jewelry and my cash – then I could buy her a present and smooth the waters.

PANCRAZIO

[ASIDE]

Here is that moron, Zanetto. He’s still hanging around the house. He can’t pull himself away.

ZANETTO

She slapped me. That means she doesn’t love me. But… my mother also slapped me… and

she did  love me… In the end, she didn’t kill me… Ah, what a silly man I am.  I don’t want

to upset her. I'll go and ask for her pardon.

[HE GOES TOWARD THE DOCTOR’S HOUSE]

PANCRAZIO

Young man! Where are you going?

ZANETTO

To see my bride.

PANCRAZIO

The one who slapped you?

ZANETTO

That’s the one.

PANCRAZIO

You are going to make amends and marry her?

ZANETTO

[=You guessed correctly]

You got it right.

PANCRAZIO

You like the young lady?

ZANETTO

Very much!

PANCRAZIO

You love her?

ZANETTO

Oh, yes!

PANCRAZIO

And you wish to marry her?

ZANETTO

Oh, if I only could.

PANCRAZIO

Oh, poor man, I pity you.

ZANETTO

How’s that?

PANCRAZIO

You are teetering on the edge of a precipice.

ZANETTO

But why?

PANCRAZIO

Don’t you want to get married?

ZANETTO

Yes, sir.

PANCRAZIO

Unhappy man, you are ruined.

ZANETTO

Why’s that?

PANCRAZIO

I, whose only desire is to help my fellow man, must, in duty to brotherly love, warn you that the step you are about to take is totally insane.

ZANETTO

How’s that?

PANCRAZIO

Do you know what marriage is?

ZANETTO

Yes,  marriage -- it's… how can I say? … Right! … man and wife.

PANCRAZIO

Ah, if you knew what marriage is, what woman is, you would not speak of it so lightly.

ZANETTO

What is it, then?

PANCRAZIO

Marriage… Wedlock is a chain that binds a man like a slave to the galley.

ZANETTO     

Marriage?

PANCRAZIO            

Marriage.

ZANETTO     

You are kidding!

 

PANCRAZIO

Marriage is a burden that makes a man sweat by day and keeps him awake at night.

It is a burden on the spirit, on the body, on the purse, and on the head .

ZANETTO

That’s terrible.

PANCRAZIO

And the woman who seems so beautiful at first – so gentle – what do you think she really is?

ZANETTO

What is she, dear sir?

PANCRAZIO

A siren who will lure you to destruction, who will flatter you, deceive you, and plunge you

into penury.

ZANETTO     

Woman?

PANCRAZIO            

Woman.

ZANETTO 

Oh, my!

PANCRAZIO

Those flashing eyes of hers are two flames of fire that will, little by little, reduce you to cinders.

ZANETTO

Her eyes, two flames of fire.

PANCRAZIO

That mouth is a poisonous pot that slowly insinuates itself into your ears and seeps down

into your heart and kills you!

ZANETTO

Her mouth …a poisonous pot.

PANCRAZIO

Her cheeks – so soft and rosy -there's witchcraft in them!

ZANETTO

Cheeks… witchcraft….

PANCRAZIO

When a woman [=come toward you] [crosses your path], remember: she's a fury come to rip you apart!

ZANETTO

Who would have guessed!

PANCRAZIO

And when a woman comes to embrace you, she’s a devil come to drag you down to hell!

ZANETTO

Heaven forbid!

PANCRAZIO

Think it over, think it over carefully.

ZANETTO

I already have.

PANCRAZIO

No more women?

ZANETTO

No more women.

PANCRAZIO

No more marriage?

ZANETTO

No more marriage.

PANCRAZIO

You'll thank me for this.

ZANETTO

Heaven sent you.

PANCRAZIO

Be wise, be blessed.

ZANETTO

I love you like a father.

PANCRAZIO

You may kiss my hand.

ZANETTO

God bless!

PANCRAZIO

Women ?

ZANETTO

Yuk!

PANCRAZIO

Marriage?

ZANETTO

Uhgggh!

PANCRAZIO

Never again?

ZANETTO

Never again.

PANCRAZIO

Certain?

ZANETTO

Sure.

PANCRAZIO

Bravo. Bravo. Bravo.

[EXITS]

 

ACT ONE

SCENE NINETEEN

 

ZANETTO

Phew! I would have been in a great mess if that gentleman hadn't turned up. Marriage: burden here, burden there -- burden to the purse, burden to the head. Women: sirens, witches, devils.  Oh, what a mess!

 

 

BEATRICE

[TO ZANETTO, BELIEVING HIM TO BE TONINO]

Oh, happy me. Here is my love, here is my fiancée. When did you arrive?

ZANETTO

You get away from me!

BEATRICE

What ? Am I not your bride? Didn’t you come to Verona to fulfill our wedding contract?

ZANETTO

Ohhhhh, yes – the chain what binds a man like a slave in a galley. Brava, I know the game.

BEATRICE

What chain? Why are you talking about chains?  Have you forgotten your promise?

ZANETTO

Promise? What promise?

BEATRICE

Your promise of marriage.

ZANETTO

Oh yes, marriage. Burden to the purse, burden to the head

BEATRICE

Please, I beg of you, look at me. Don’t play jokes, you’re killing me.

ZANETTO

[ASIDE] There is really fire in her eyes!

BEATRICE

Do you suspect me of something? If you do, listen to me, I’ll explain.

ZANETTO

Close that mouth, that poisonous pot. I don’t want the poison to seep down into my heart.

BEATRICE

Alas!  Your speech confounds me. You’re making the innocent blush.

ZANETTO

Look at that! She’s getting red. She’s a witch.

BEATRICE

For pity’s sake, listen to the plea of a desperate woman.

[SHE MOVES CLOSE TO ZANETTO]

ZANETTO

Keep away from me, you fury come to rip me apart.

[RUNS FROM HER]

BEATRICE

In Heavens name what have I done?

[MOVES CLOSE TO HIM]

ZANETTO

Be gone with you, you devil. You want to drag me down to hell.

[EXITS].

 

ACT ONE

SCENE TWENTY

[BEATRICE ALONE]

BEATRICE

Did I really hear all that?! And I’m still alive?! Tonino, what should I think about him? Has he gone mad? Or has someone been telling him lies about me. Oh miserable Beatrice! What should I do?  I’ll follow him and see if I can discover the truth. Oh Cupid, God of Love, you brought this misfortune on me; you made me abandon country, parents, friends; now guide me through this labyrinth of love. If it’s my life you want, Cupid, take it. I’ll spill the last drop of my blood before I lose my beloved Tonino.