(Written after Hu Jintao was named chief of the Chinese Communist Party.)

"HU'S ON FIRST" By James Sherman
(Audio)

We take you now to the Oval Office. Mr. Bush and Condolesa Rice

(Buzzer)

Bush's Secretary: Mista President, Condaleeza Rice's here to see ya.

George: Good, send 'er in.

Bush's Secretary: Yas, sir!

Condi: 'Mornin', Mr. President.

George: Oh, Condaleeza, nice ta see ya. What's happening?

Condi: Well, Mr. President, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great, Condie. Lay it on me.

Condi: Mr. President, Hu is the new leader of China.

George: Wull, that's what I wanna know.

Condi: Wull, that's what I'm telling you, Mr. President.

George: That's what I'm asking you, Condi. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yas.

George: I mean the feller's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China, Mr. President.

George: Whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you, Condi. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yas.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yas, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct, sir.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yas, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yas, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Condi, you're startin' ta piss me off now and it's not 'cause you're black, neither.

I need to know the name of the new leader of China. So wan ja to get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi Annan?

George: No, thanks. And Condi, call me George. Stop with that Ebonics crap.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yas, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make that call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Well, who's the guy at the U.N?

Condi: No, Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yas, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Hello, Rice, here.

George: Rice? Good idear. And get a couple of egg rolls, too, Condi. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?