Chiara Pennacchini- II year LS- 7/4/2009

Task 4: rewrite the text according to the British English of a specific (“target”) British newspaper.

You don't mention which paper. In class you spoke of the Daily Sun, a sensationalistic tabloid. So let's assume it's your target. For the reading publics of the various U.K. newspapers, see this joke:
http://corner.nationalreview.com/post/?q=NWM0ZDJiNjhiMDdiZDFhODQxMTkyN2IxMzE0NTgzYzE=

TWO GEOTHERMOELECTRIC ULTRAMODERN* POWER STATIONS OPENED BY THE ITALIAN ELECTRICAL** ENERGY BOARD

[*don't alienate readers with technical jargon immediately, you can explain the term in the story.]

[** Both “electric” and “electrical” are possible. But if you do two Google searches:
"ELECTRICAL ENERGY" site:uk
"ELECTRIC ENERGY" site:uk
you find that electrical is 3 times more frequent in this kind of context in the U.K.
If you change “site:uk” into “site:biz”, you find that usage is about the same in the U.S.
Of course, you could eliminate the problem by saying “the Italian National Electricity Board”]

A 210 11 billion lire euro investment [!]

Monteverdi, 21 July 1997 – Today two new geothermoelectric ultramodern power stations were opened by ENEL, the Italian electric energy board, in Monteverdi Marittimo –a town next to near Pisa. This is the result of a total investment of [too verbose for Sun style] aAround 210 11 billion lire euros were invested. The overall capacity of these power plants is of 40 Mw. Moreover these are able to turn out 260 million kW/per year, quite enough to meet/fulfill the needs of 350,000 people. [This doesn't interest Sun readers, put it at the end of the article. For now say what is new and sensational: that power comes from the bowels of the Earth!!]

[Not a new paragraph. This should be part of your lead paragraph because it contains the news element. In fact, it could have been your first sentence.] These are two state-of-the-art plants are called “geothermal” because they draw energy from the bowels of the Earth by transforming our planet's molten core into steam which then drives turbines. This which makes Enel one of the first electricity companies around in the world to handle a fluid washing technology at a depth of more than 1,000 metres. In addiction, these plants have been designed to bring their lower impact on the environment down and, besides, cutting noise levels. [I appreciate the use of the phrasal verb “bring down” instead of the Latinate “reduce,” but “lower” is equally Germanic and... it's shorter. Remember: your target paper is a tabloid: be brief.]

According to the Company, this marks another important step in the geothermal power development. This is only the first step, says the company. [You = 14 words. Me=9 words] Over the next five years, plants will be enough able to raise the productiveon power of by about 200 Mw. They will be put together with join [You = 4 words. Me= 1 word] the 27 existing plants. The construction of these two new Enel power stations should have a positive impact on the whole urban area both in employment and in the socio-economic fields, because of the flexible uses of steam in the industry as well as in home healing as an alternative energy source. [You should have moved this last sentence to the lead paragraph, since it is “sensational” as well.]

"Much to our satisfaction we can stand – the Chairman of Enel Chicco Testa maintained - boasts [You = 8 words. Me= 1 word] that “together with the development and enhancement of geothermooelectric resources, Enel is actively involved in the research field, always taking into account the environment and local situations". [Instead of “boasts” you could have put “is proud”, but the Sun prefers provocative, emotion laden words, even if they can sound offensive.]

[OK.

I appreciate the double spacing, useful in case you print this out for written correction. Also news desks appreciate double spacing for the same reason.

Your release was more readable (for your Anglo target: the Sun's little-educated public) than the original, so congratulations for the effort. But, as you see it, stood to be improved.]