From Kate Fox, Passport to the Pub: A Guide to British Pub Etiquette, London 1996. - www.sirc.org

CHAPTER 3 Making Contact

To initiate contact with these various members of the pub tribe,
you need to know the etiquette...

Do stand or sit at or near the bar. The bar counter of a pub is possibly the only place in Britain where the natives feel comfortable about shedding their natural reserve and engaging in conversation with strangers. This is the most ‘public’ area of the pub, and people lingering at the bar after they have bought their drinks are likely to be the most approachable. People sitting at tables may find your approach intrusive.

Don’t try to engage the publican or bar staff in conversation when others are waiting to be served. Also remember that even when the bar is not busy, publicans and staff have other tasks to perform and may not always be free to indulge in lengthy chats.

Do make use of traditional rituals. Offer a drink to the publican or member of staff who serves you – using the customary “and one for yourself” formula. You can, of course, strike up a conversation with bar staff without buying them a drink, but this friendly gesture will certainly be appreciated.

Do approach lone drinkers rather than couples or groups. But if you are male, avoid approaching lone females (and vice-versa), as this may be misinterpreted. Initiate conversation with regulars who are standing or sitting facing outwards into the room, perhaps leaning back slightly and looking around them.
 
 
How to introduce yourself

Don’t ever introduce yourself. The “Hi, I’m Chuck from Alabama” approach does not go down well in British pubs. The British quite frankly do not want to know your name, or shake your hand – or at least not until a proper degree of mutual interest has been well established (like maybe when you marry their daughter). You will have to adopt a more subtle, less demonstrative approach.

Start with a comment about the weather, or a simple question about the beer, the pub, the town, other pubs in the area etc. Do not speak too loudly, and keep your tone and manner light and casual rather than serious or intense. The object is to ‘drift’ gradually into conversation, as though by accident. If the person seems happy to chat with you – giving longish answers, asking questions in return, maintaining eye-contact, etc. – you should still curb any urges to introduce yourself. Instead, offer a drink, but avoid using the word ‘buy’: say “Can I get you a drink?” or “Can I get you another?”.

Eventually, there may be an opportunity to exchange names, providing this can be achieved in a casual, unforced manner, although it is best to wait for your new acquaintance to take the initiative. If at the end of a long friendly evening you have not introduced yourselves, and this makes you very uncomfortable, you may say on parting: “Nice to meet you, er – oh, I didn’t catch your name?”, as though you have only just noticed the omission. Your companion should then enlighten you, and you may now, at last, introduce yourself.

Breeching experiments
(“To discover if a rule exists, try breaking it.”)

Reference: Harold Garfinkel (1967), Studies in ethnomethodology, Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall

RULES OF BRITISH BEHAVIOR (according to Fox)

ARE THEY RULES FOR AMERICANS, TOO?

1. Start making acquaintance with the bar owner (in GB the “publican”) – order a beer and offer him one!

2. Next choice: anyone at the bar facing the room (but not a lone person of the opposite sex).

3. Don't say: “Hi, I'm Maria from Ostia, where are you from?” Give your name at the end of the conversation (if at all).

4. Talk about the weather, the beer, nearby pubs.

5. Offer to refresh the other person's drink but do not say “buy” or “pay.” Prefer: “Let me get you another?