per la serie:"a bit of English isn't hell", voilà:
The Cult's Ian Astbury is preparing to step into Jim Morrison's shoes for a Doors tour. Oh, dear, says Colin Paterson, the replacement trend is so unoriginal
Ian Astbury has got the wrong idea. The way to become your idol is by going on Stars In Your Eyes and walking through the doors, not by actually joining the Doors. But on the 1960s legends' forthcoming US tour, the part of Jim Morrison will be played by the Cult's lead singer. Unexpectedly, the most overrated band of all time has just got worse.
There are so many reasons to hate the Doors; their pseudo-mysticism, their sheer pomposity and the fact that Morrison thought of himself as a poet first and a rock star second. Sure, there were justifiable comparisons with Ginsberg; both had rubbish beards.
This was a band that ripped off the Kinks (Hello I Love You), ruined Apocalypse Now (The End), had no sense of self-editing (either in their lyrics or instrumentation) and no concept of brevity (except when it came to Jim's lifespan). And when they did write a good song (Light My Fire) they ruined it with an organ solo longer than the Vietnam war. The truth is, Jim Morrison was the poor man's Michael Hutchence.
Of course, the original fans are up in arms (arms probably spread horizontally in combination with hairless nipples and a home-made necklace). But the most important effect of Astbury joining the Doors is not the devaluing of the band's memory, but the ending of Val Kilmer's last chance of finding work.
This is far from the first time that an established singer has been transferred into another band. Ray Wilson left one-hit wonders Stiltskin for Genesis, Terence Trent D'Arby had a brief sojourn in INXS, while Glen Campbell took Brian Wilson's place when the main man stopped being a Beach Boy and started being a beached whale. There has even been the horrific suggestion that Robbie Williams will front a worldwide tour by Queen.
But it is not all about your David Van Days slipping into Bucks Fizz. There have been substitution successes. In 1980 it looked all over for AC/DC when Bon Scott died, but their next album Back In Black went 15 times platinum in the States thanks to the unique vocals of the former singer for Geordie, a man called Brian Johnson. AC/DC's gain was Test Match Special's loss.
Then there have been the unbelievably convoluted replacements. When Emerson, Lake And Palmer (known as ELP) lost drummer Carl Palmer, the main priority for the next sticksman was that his surname started with the letter P. Enter Cozy Powell, who had last been seen on Record Breakers trying to hit the most drums ever in a minute.
Thankfully in the wake of Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes's death, T-Boz and Chilli are not using the same initial-based recruitment policy for TLC - although they are missing a trick by not saying that TLC now stands for Two Live Crew.
This replacement vocalist trend is getting silly. Let's hope it ends before there is a stadium tour featuring Crosby, Stills, Nash and Will Young.