The manager
Hotel Ritz
Birmingham
England


Dear Signore Direttore,

Now i am a-tella you story how i was a treated at Your hotella.
I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to Birmingham and stay at your hotella.
When i comma in my room i see there is no shit in my bed, how can i sleep with no shit in my bed? So i calla down to receptione and tella: "I wanna shit". They say: "You better not shit in your bed, you sonnawabitch".
What is a sonnawabitch?

I go down for breakfast into ristorante. I order bacon and eggs and two pissis of toast.
I getta only one piss of toast i tella waitress and pointa of toast: "I wanna piss".
She tella me: "Go to toilet" I say: "No, no i wanna piss on my plate". She then say to me: "You bloody hella not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch".
What is a sonnawabitch?

Later i go for dinner in your ristorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock.
I tella waitress "I wanna fock" and she tella me: "Shure everyone wanna fock".
I tella her: "No, no. You don't understand me. I wanna fock on the table".
She tella me: "So you sonnawabitch wanna fock on the table? Get your ass out of here". So i got to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanna stay in this hotella no more.
Whe i have paid the billa, the portier say to me: "Thank you and peace on you". I say: "Piss on you too sonnawabitch. I go back to Italy. I never comma stay your hotella no more, you sonnawabitch.
Best regards
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