I go to prepare you a place for you.
Not only transgression.
Godís freedom frees from human slavery
Thursday 8 th
...At this point of my travel of reconstruction, because of my hesitations, my teacher makes the proposal to organise firmly and with decision my day, to put order in my actions: ...I WILL MAKE AN AGREEMENT WITH GOD, i.e., I WILL PROMISE HIM TO FOLLOW A PROGRAM (doing more never less) TO PLAN DAY BY DAY, TAKING INTO CONSIDERATION WHAT I WISH!!!
Every evening I check what I have done or not. I am guilty when I do not do for negligence what I have freely planned or I put forward false motivations and I do not do what I must: then God, who reads in the hearts our true intentions, will take a decision. I am therefore very careful, as it is a promise to God. I must, that is all!.
..."I cannot always escape; life is not a game!".
...However I am afraid to answer his proposal affirmatively. I answer him as follows: " I am afraid to answer because I feel rebellion in these days... I am only interested in myself and I am not afraid of the consequence of my actions even towards God. I am in doubt: I know that I would have everything with God, but... I am afraid to lose something and it is very difficult for me to be faithful to him. Nevertheless that is what I wish. He now talks to me through you and I would like to say immediately yes to Him!".
...My inner fight Ť rather strong: on one side I deeply wish to please the Gentleman and to comply with His will and on the other side I am hesitating, because I know my fragility and I fear the consequence of my mistakes...
However at the end I accept "the challenge"... and so every day I realise how beautiful it is keeping my word!...
In these days I often repeat some phrases I have pointed out during the meetings of prayer with my group: "The joy is bought at the market of the sacrifice"...
" It is not good sinning and then thinking that it is worthless: Fear of God comes from the grace to understand the sin and to have therefore remorse".
My teacher thinks that this new step demonstrates that:
" ...ONLY IF YOU ARE REALLY MOTIVATED YOU WILL DO THINGS! IN THIS CASE THE MOTIVATION IS EXPERIENCING THE TRUE FREEDOM, GODíS FREEDOM, FREEDOM FROM SLAVERY GIVEN BY CHAINS ".
In my case the CHAINS (the PRESUPPOSIOTIONS: the CHAINS to break) are
- physical desires;
- amusing myself doing something: it is good wishing to do things well, but it is excessive to look just for beautiful and to delight in it;
- What the others expect from me;
- indulging in dreams without doing what it must be done in that moment;
- creating expectations, illusions, advances with respect to a boy or to every person generally
(NB:..."Friendship is not gratis; there can be exchange of ideas, points of view, talking, but before donating something of ourselves, our innermost being and life, WE MUST observe the other person well, as if we are at a balcony, to estimate if she is worthy of our confidence; in this way disappointments and suffering are avoided, above all if there is an interest or we fall in love. In other words do not let you be driven by the attraction or by your instincts without taking into consideration what the consequences could be!");
- being driven by feelings... ďIN THIS PERIOD I HAVE OTHER ENGAGEMENTS!" - or by physical desires following them and being controlled by their power;
- deceiving and justify oneself, without taking into consideration the real consequences;
- believing yourself an hero, without admitting your limits and without accepting yourself as you are;
- giving extreme importance to the body exalting hedonism and the great desire to lose weight (I want decide if I eat or not without being bound to a fixed idea chaining me!);
- - The MENTAL OUTLINES, for which I cannot do things in a different way, MAY BE CHANGING THE POINT OF VIEW (I WANT TO DECIDE TO PUT SOMETHING IN THE WAY I WANT without being forced by a fixed idea!).