One of the highest pages in the Gospels is the mystery of the suffering of God's Lamb bearing the sins of all the men. Jesus identifies himself with sin and feels in himself the deepest revulsion for the sinner refusing God and for the Father's sorrow for being betrayed by his children. Jesus infinite sweetness comes from this depth of damnation. He calls his Father ABBA (Mc 14,36) like a child snaking into his father's arms with the most innocent and trusting love we can imagine.
Reading about the events of that period may not even impress people with lukewarm heart, the hasty and superficial ones. Only those who stop and meditate on the events may understand their grandeur and deep meaning. Since then, light has brightened the world and turn darkness apart in human minds. The man suffering so much is God's Son, sent by the Father so that the invisible love becomes visible to men. Such a cry of love travels through the ages and leaves the world amazed. It's difficult to understand what that Calvary was like; it's out of reach of human minds. The Father's anger for men's iniquity was terrible as if thousands of judgements, and more, fell down on me all together. His sweet presence that had been accompanying me was now going away. The clock was slowly striking the hour. By now the Father, in his anger of justice, had called back the Holy Spirit. Suddenly being in the desert of one's own soul, alone, deprived of God and of his infinite Love, is something beyond all imaginable tortures. Darkness, like menacing clouds, was all around myself. That night prayer became deeper and deeper; a prayer of forgiveness for everybody. Heaven was angry and didn't want to comply with prayer. Justice wanted a compensation for all the sins. The Present and the Future were being shown to me. I could see all the details of that terrible torture. The lamb to be sacrificed had to accept completely the task he had come for. What a heavy burden on my human shoulders while my body was collapsing in pain! I was foreseeing the result of this torture: the Church coming into being, the Apostles, the Martyrs, all the saved men, the terrible persecutions to my Church, the wars, the plagues, and all the iniquities man would still commit and the several damned people.
All the worst and cruellest evils were falling down on me. Father! You can do everything, take this chalice away from me! But not my will, Father, but yours (Mc 14,36). Yes, his will, which is a will of sweet love, rescue and forgiveness, was at that moment claiming a compensation for the offended justice. A bloody struggle with the flesh shouting its rights, the darkness of evil already on it, and the loving Father far away! Nagged, struck to death, I was gathering all the love I could feel for those creatures waiting to be redeemed. A preparation time where distress and sorrow stood heavy on my more and more collapsing body and blood was coming out through the skin for the very hard trial.
Father! Father! Like a faded sun, in the intentional absence, you left your beloved Son to drink from the bitter chalice of the freezing night of the soul. In such desolation love won and it will always win! I gave you the proof and witness that you can win as well. True man, where flesh claimed its rights, and true God, I proved the sweeping strength of love. Father, Your will be done! Here is the true absolute love: to do the will of our Father who is in Heaven. His will is superior to any imaginable blessing; in it you can find the path to God. Ready to complete sacrifice for love, I was waiting for those who, led by the one who had used my love, were about coming. (cfr. Mc 14,41-44). Meditate on passion, it's a sure means to strengthen your spirit because it's Love speaking through the events.
Christs's Passion, a cry of love
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