Beings who burn with love.
Not only transgression.
From the diary of St. Veronica Giuliani
The will of God begins to manifest in it, the night of March 21st, while making prayer. I have fall into a trance in which the Lord had made me realize that the confession was to be made the night of Palm Sunday, and that in that week, I will suffer all the pains that he so wishes, for his greater glory and profit of my soul.
I seemed to be in a big place, from which I could not see the end, in the middle, there were two thrones, as alabaster, made of a fine work, both very well worked. Suddenly, I've seen it coming, from far away, a big procession. First they were very little children, very beautiful and well decorated, who seemed to wear dresses made of jewelry, and all had in hand a cross very small but beautiful. And of these, there were so many, that they never ended to pass by , but all stood in order, about those thrones.
At this point, I was informed that they were all angels. And then, it started to arrive many saints with fantastically beautiful crowns on their heads and with a cross in his hand, they were dressed the same way. Only his clothes ornaments were different and meant the virtue that they had practiced in this life. The garments were white and all glittered like many suns. Among these saints I thought I recognized a few, but I had never seen them in this way.. They were also around the two thrones.
And then, it have begun to come many saints, they were also dressed with clear light: only in their heads they wore different things. One had the crown of joy, other a crown of jewels. On the hand, some carried the lily and the cross, and partly just the cross. Behind all these saints, was the Blessed Virgin, who in beauty and ornaments excelled all. With her were three saints, sometimes seen by me, this is Saint katerine, Saint Theresa and Saint Rose. It looked like they made signs to me to come over. I suddenly came the kidnapping that led me to the feet of the Blessed Virgin, who was sitting in the seat, in one of those thrones. I prayed from the heart, I said: "You are my mother and mother of mercy, however, have mercy on me. Impetradme a true sorrow for my sins, and pray to your son, I want him to forgive me the many offenses against his Divine Majesty".
The Virgin told me: "Be calm, I'm with you and all those who are here have come to help. And my son will come now." While the Virgin was speaking to me, the Lord appeared with a multitude of angels, as I had seen it before. The Lord was glorious, and carried in his hand a very big cross. He spoke to me like this: "I'm coming, all love, but the day of judgment, in which I must appear the same way, then I will come rigorous and angry. You, at this point, will feel great pain, but this pain is nothing compared with which it will have, all universally".
At the set time, confession and behold promised comes, here it is our prepared Saint, in the name of obedience, to describe it, but she fears not to be able to do this. After having Invoked God, those who want to talk in its place, will embarks in this difficult task, certain that the intervention to Him who had begged so fast. It's March 31, 1697.
"At about 8 pm, the concentration has come to me while the vision of our glorious Lord, of the Blessed Virgin and many saints with a multitude of angels. I was afraid about what the lord was going to do with my soul. When I returned, I seemed to find a trial. The Lord is seated on a throne, and all the saints were around him. the Blessed Virgin has put on another throne, and all the angels sang: Victoria, Victoria.
But I tremble for all the sins I had committed that were before me, and, with them, I have gone, somehow, before the throne of Jesus Christ, who has covered his face with his hands, so as not to see me. This has been a great pity that I cannot explain with the pen and with the words. Only that angelical music filled me with courage, and heard they sing: Victoria, Victoria. At last the Lord has discovered the face and has made me a sign to go to the Blessed Virgin. immediately, I do not know how, I find at his feet. Nevertheless, I wanted to beg her to appease his son for me, but I also saw that the Virgin covered her face. Oh God, what pain, what pain I have felt and that can not be explained. I could not say a word, I was just waiting for the sentence of condemnation. Oh God, there were no prayers or help for me.
At last, the Blessed Virgin has discovered her face and made me a sign to go to Saint Claire's mother, and I do not know how I came to Saint Claire, who, immediately, has covered her face because she did not wanted to see me. Oh my God. These were death sentences for me, and I still could not speak. In the end, Saint Claire's mother has begun to say, "I do not know you as my daughter." And I, at that point, she said: "Tell the truth, why I have not been your daughter, at which point I have not observed what you have prescribed in the rule." Saying this, I seemed to have before me all the offenses against the rule. It caused me confusion and horror, and made me mute. Again, I heard the songs that replicated: Victoria, Victoria. They gave me encouragement. I have prayed to Saint Claire that she came with me before the Lord.
At this point, she asked the Saint to take her to all the saints who were present. the former has been Saint Francis, he also has covered his face to not see me. So did everyone else. For me there was only grief, confusion and shame. No one wanted to see me. As I write, I can not go forward because of the fear I felt as I remembered everything. Oh, think, at that time, the suffering I felt. I was waiting for the conviction. All rejected me as a detestable thing. Oh God, what a pity. But at the same time I knew that I deserved this confusion, because I had offended God, the Supreme Good, and did not deserve anything but Hell. Return to the Lord, I would say without words: Oh my Lord, where is your mercy towards me? ". And I turn to the Virgin Mary, and said:" You are the mother of the sinners, and now, for me, what would you do in my extreme need? ". And She covered her face.
My guardian angel made me kneel at the feet of Jesus, and I was publicly obliged to confess my faults and all that I had committed during my life. While I made the sign of the cross, I wanted to begin my confession, but could not, because I felt the pain of having offended Him, my Highest Good. In the end, I began the confession like this : "Husband of mine, I have offended you and I confess for you". When I said this the Lord has given me light, and has given me understanding to know how valuable is the sacrament of penance.
I felt such a shame that I could not utter a word. The Lord asked me to say, and I said it again : "My highest good, spouse of my soul, I have offended you, Infinity Good". And I could not resist anymore. This single word made me penetrate in what were the sins and offenses against God, and I could not talk anymore.
The Lord hushed me and told my guardian to be my prosecutor. The angel has started since my three years old to the present moment, and he have accussed me of everything. Meanwhile he made me general accusations I seemed to see every little thought, there in the presence of God. Oh what a shame. Oh what a torment, how much pain I felt. When my angel accused me of lack of devotion to the Blessed Virgin, the Lord called his Blessed Mother and made Herself accuse me. So she did, and all I had done in her honor, made me know that nothing was valid, worthless without fruit. There were my devotions around the Virgin, as soggy, smelly flowers. Oh God, what confusion I felt. I could not talk, but in the meantime I wanted to entrust me to Her and She covered her face. I felt remorse about everything I had missed to Her, and I decided to do the opposite in the future but she kept with her face covered.
In the end, the Lord said: "These sores are the extra payment of the many sins committed and everything makes fruitful and honor". At this point, all wet and smelly flowers became fragrant and golden, and the Blessed Virgin, turned to me, has given me his blessing and, again, she has sat on his throne.
My guardian angel continued accusing me. When it came the time of sins against purity, I remembered the obedience to my confessor, that is, I had asked the Lord if, if I had sinned mortally, and it was so, the whole time I silenced these sins I have committed sacrilege. So, back to the Lord, I said: "My Lord, obedience to who is in your place, has obliged me to ask, if I have committed a mortal sin regarding purity". And He said, "Tell him no, but you've been on the verge of doing so. And if it wasnít me that I have protected you, you would have done it".
He made me understand that those things were serious flaws which he disliked a lot, but to commit a mortal sin, it is required to have will and also knowledge that is sin: "And you were afraid that it could be sin, and if you had known as such, you would not have committed it. As regards your sorrow suffered for many years, I have wanted that you experienced atrocious sorrows, due to your sins committed". He made me see, that due to the communication all that was an impediment for my soul.
My angel suggested me to confess, and when it came to the accusation of sins committed in the court of the confession, the Lord told me that I many times, hadnít told, particularly the thoughts and impure temptations that had left unsaid because of shame and little mortification that those were failures, and that those are things that you should always say, especially to feel shame and confusion in the sacrament of penance.
While my accuser said that in all my actions I had made my will, the Lord told me three things in particular:
1 - Not having recognized the graces and gifts that He has given my soul.
2 - That I had not done what his ministers had ordered me.
3 - That I was fickle and little faithful in resolutions and goals and facts to desire to be completely from God.
My guardian angel again went on accusing me until the age when I became religious . When he reached this point, the Lord called mother Santa Clara and to the father San Francisco, so that they come to accuse me of what I had committed in religion. They did so, with great confusion for me. And the Lord gave me light that religion had nothing but the habit and name. What a pity. What a pain. I did the best I could, I prayed to the saints who would forgive me, through the merits of Jesus' Passion. At this point, they made me know two things: that all the offenses commited had causes impediments to my soul and they were the offenses committed against poverty and against the vow of obedience. These saints were placed before the Lord, and asked forgiveness for me, and everything I had faulted, they offered him the very merits of Jesus and all that he had suffered in his passion, in exchange for the non-observances, they offered all works, hardships and sufferings made by them in this life and the strict observance of what they had promised God. And then turned to me again, and covered their face. Oh God, what a shame. I turned to Virgen Mary and I begged her, but I donít know how, that she could get the grace to soothe these saints by themselves. Both blessed me.
My guardian angel continued accusing me even of the smallest defect and I towards each of his accusations, felt more grief and sorrow for having offended the Supreme Good. At this point I heard again, that all the angels sang: Victoria, Victoria. Done all this, the Lord wanted that all the saints would come to accuse me. So they did. And my the grief and pain increased. Saint Buenaventura, Saint Antonio and Saint Benardino charged me more. I remember this particularly : the laziness I had for spiritual things, the little charity I lived and the little effort to honor God. Saint AgustŪn and Saint Domingo, both accused me of having sought honor and grace for myself, rahter than the honor and glory to God., And that my heart had been more aware of God's earthly things. Saint Felipe Neri and Saint Juan Bautista accused me of not having answered the divine calls, and that I hadnít loved who had loved my soul: to Jesus.
St. Paul and other saints accused me of cowardice, by sheer glory of God, and other things that I cannot remember. Saint Lorenzo and Saint Esteban, with other martyrs accused me of the little love I had when I suffered, and if the times I had escaped the cross and hardships.
Many other saints, unknown to me, accused me of the request that I had made to defend myself and the little esteem that I had done of scorn. In fact, I felt nothing but accusations and confusion. I felt so much pain. I was awaiting the sentence, fearful, trembling and aching I cried. I have no one to resort to. I looked around and saw that nobody wanted to listen. Finally, all these saints prostrated before the Lord and begged in my favor, and everyone, in unison, said, "Lord, forgiveness, mercy for this soul." And all offered the passion and blood of Jesus, in return for my sins. And all saints who were present, were prostrated before the Blessed Virgin, and said: "We ask you for this soul". I only recognized three: One was St. Catherine of Siena, the other was St. Rose of Lima and the third, Saint Teresa.
When I was between fear and trembling and feeling a great sorrow for having offended God, all my faults surrounded me, they made me abominable before God and everyone. at this point, the Lord had detached me from all the ugliness of the offenses committed and I have been before him like a child a few years. I trembled to return to his grace. Thus the Blessed Virgin, has prostrated before the Lord, and offered her heart with mine, so that the Lord could accepted it. She has done like this with all her feelings and powers by herself. The Lord has accepted this soul, through the Virgin Mary. Suddenly the Lord has stood up and showed his holy wounds to the Blessed Virgin and all the saints. And he said: Through my wounds and all you have prayed I forgive this soul. "he has blessed me saying" Go in peace: and do not sin anymore".
Simplicity and purity of intention. So I must be willing to do everything, without replicating; as the confessor establishes, do it with feeling, think and act on behalf of God. The feeling I had about this, has left me this thought: that if we last many years without such preparation, we wont do anything, because the sacrament of Penance isa nice thing to God, that requires the possible entire willingness.