What would have been the point, anyway?

I just got tired, in the end. In the end, I just got tired. And what would have been the point? I just got tired of all that about freedom and, and what was the point. Two pairs of i’s, negative, imagining the already imaginary.

I would never have survived that pair of eyes, anyway, watching me from the back of the room. I had to, I had to get away from his pair of eyes, from my pair of eyes, but there was always that pair of eyes, at the back, at the of the room. Two eyes to point at infinity too wise to point

What would have been the point? One room is the same as another; I was too tired to look for another room; there was no more room. There was no room. There was no room for me in his life, there was no room for me in anyone’s life, there was no room. No room upon the hill.

What was the point of, of perturbations and potentials. What on earth was the point of proving, proving what could, I could do. I could have done. What on earth was the point. Two pairs of eyes; no room, no point.

I could have done. I could do, I could have done anything, I could. I

I just got tired. tired of all tbat. As if, as if …

I just wanted to close my eyes for once, for once. Free to close my eyes, for a moment. I, I was asleep, I was alone. I am alone, and free, in this room, to sleep, to close my eyes. In this room. Free in this room, in this room

In the end, it’s true, it is absurd, it’s the theatre of the absurd, for an absurd audience, the eyes always at the back, absurdly easy to act, to be on stage, to act. To pick up someone else’s lines, to act, in bad faith, but to act, though badly, to assume the bad faith of picking up someone else’s lines. The stale smoke of other people’s words, other people, words.

I closed my eyes, and dreamed I was drowning in other people’s worlds. Gasping for words to breathe, fresh, not the stale smoke and bad air of a closed room. Coming up for air, for my own room, for fresh words to breathe.

But not yet. I just, I just get so tired. That’s all.